Post by Katty on May 26, 2009 23:36:28 GMT 10
Will the real Lord Theodore please stand up?
A revised history of Tortall, Part 1
Not since Alanna of Trebond first sought the Dominion Jewel has such an adventure, such a mystery stirred the hearts and souls of the citizens of Tortall. Fortune seekers come from far and wide, trying to test their skill and intelligence on this deep mystery that haunts the Eastern Lands. Many have tried and failed to find the true secret, the Holy Grail, yes, of course I mean – the true identity of Lord Theodore.
Some say he is an angel sent from the Gods to walk among us mortals. Some say he is a myth made up by the sands of time. Others say that he is a powerful wizard, trapped in our lands without his powers and yearning to return home. Some say he is just an imagining, made up by troublesome boys.
But who is he, really?
When this reporter first began her research, she tried every credible contact in her possession. The Royal Archives, the famous Goldenlake Library, and even some high ranking Royal Officials – all to no avail. Faced with nothing but dead ends, the search had to be widened to some less respectable sources. It was then that a goldmine of information was found. Most of it was whispers and rumours, but there were definitely some common strands amongst it all.
The mystery of Lord Theodore began well before our generation, back in time immemorial. Our oldest stories tell of a saviour, the bravest teddy there ever was, Bearus Theodorinicus, who carried our ancestors on his bare back across the great seas. Eventually, he brought them to the Eastern Lands, where they settled and formed what would become the countries we now know.
The first reports of the resurfacing of this great teddy occur in times of Old King Jasson. The legend revolves around King Jasson’s most famous, most revered general, Emry of Haryse. Scholars speculate on rumours that the tactical genius used to ride into battle with a stuffed bear nickname “Count Theo” strapped to his saddle. It has been whispered that this unfit, inbred man with no military training to speak of attributes his victories to this mysterious bear. There is no evidence to confirm this, though this could be due to Fief Haryse’s attempts to ensure the respectability of his memory (for instance, they have also covered up his fondness for wearing women’s clothing – see my paper, Emry’s Emerald Petticoats, for more information).
After the conquering of Barzun, all reports of this mysterious stuffed bear disappear for a decade or two. A whisper here, a rumour there. There are reports of a Rittevon princess marrying a stuffed bear by the name of Theodore von Rippenspoon, only for him to mysteriously die in a hunting accident five months later. Seven years pass, and suddenly there is a revolt in Carthak led by a teddy using the name Theodorus Telemarchus. And so it continues – a merchant in Tyra called Lorus Theodory, a priest in Sarain called Theo the Pious, a minor Scanran clan leader called Lordodore Theo, the famous Gallan tailor Dore Theopopulous, the philosopher Theodoretes. Most striking is probably the legendary Shang Teddy, Theo Lordy.
It isn’t until 430 HE that the mystery returns to Tortall. Reports begin to emerge that the bear, under the guise of Lord Theodore, has infiltrated the Royal Palace itself, with the help of a young, mischievous Page. Conflicting rumours have surfaced regarding the attractiveness of this particular Page; however my confidential source from Fief Wellam assures me that the Page was more handsome than the King himself. He appears to quickly develop a cult following, rivalled only by that of Duke Roger of Conte.
Once he is settled in the Palace though, his actions become nothing short of terrorism. Noble women lose their underwear, anarchy reigns amongst the youth, and gardens are blown up. The outbreak of unwed mothers amongst the young nobility was not caused, as previously believed, by the Prince, but rather this cunning Lothario.
It becomes apparent within a year or two that someone wants Lord Theodore dead. Several bodies with a resemblance to him turn up around the Palace, but it is unconfirmed whether any of them were actually him, or whether they were just decoys. As this murderous rampage continues, several suspects emerge. One is the sexy yet unstable Duke Roger of Conte, jealous of Lord Theodore’s popularity. Another is young Gary of Naxen, possibly enraged at his father’s replacement of him as the heir of Fief Naxen with Lord Theodore. A third suspect emerges in Queen Lianne, who was suspicious that the bear was intent on seducing her husband and replacing her as Queen.
She needn’t have worried though, as it is apparent that during his years at the Palace Lord Theodore enjoyed a very colourful marital life. After only a few months of marriage, he appears to have divorced his first wife Catherine of Arated and sent her to a Convent. He then married the already pregnant Anne Tedlyn, who tragically had her head ripped off... in an accident. His third wife Jane Seyted died after her stuffing fell out, and the Palace healers refused to heal her. A fourth wife was found in Anne the Second, but she was put aside due to her unfortunate aesthetic complications. Number five, Katherine, was not really of a quality befitting a consort of Lord Theodore, so it was no real tragedy when she was ingested by a baby Dragon. His final wife, Catherine, seems to have lived for an extended period of time, though separately of Lord Theodore. Last reported sightings of her were in Trebond, canoodling with a very blonde, very angelic-looking bear from Fief Stone Mountain.
Shortly after the breakdown of his marriage to Catherine, heartbroken Lord Theodore appears to leave Corus for good, heading north. There are sightings of him along various parts of the Scanran border. The trail from there though, despite this reporter’s best efforts, goes cold.
There have been no apparent sightings of the mysterious Lord Theodore for two years, now, aside from one unconfirmed sighting at the wedding of Lady Maura of Dunlath. Suspiciously, Lady Rosie of Banstick Mountain, a cousin of the Lady Maura, has barred this reporter from conducting any investigations of Lord Theodore’s whereabouts in the Fiefdom. Rest assured, I shall persist in my endeavour to discover this bear, and one day meet him for myself.
While we are no closer to finding out his true identity, it appears that we can be sure this fluffy chameleon will reappear in Tortall.
(Information from this article is also available on the Goldenlake Tamora Pierce Wiki)
Maybe once we'd have seen it during Smackdown!