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Post by mistrali on Jul 29, 2020 1:26:48 GMT 10
Title: Water-ways Rating: G Summary: Polyam takes a proper bath. Event: Goldenlake Summer/Winter Triathlon 2020 - Making a Splash Words: 200 (excluding location/time/date) ****
Yangzhou Tent City, The Sea of Grass, Namorn-Yanjing border, the third day of Wolf Moon, 1037 K.F.
The tentbaths were clearly made for practicality rather than comfort. They were dim and compact, with only a dipper, a cake of yak-fat soap, a washcloth and a pumice stone for scrubbing. The candles, also of yak grease, gave off a strong, animal scent and thick grey smoke.
After weeks of meltwater baths, however, Polyam was in the lap of luxury. She didn’t have to find flatter terrain fifty feet along the stream, she could simply walk ten feet across the grass from the caravan. She didn’t have to hold anyone’s hand, grip her staff like a vice, or slide or crawl along mossy or gravelly slopes for fear of slipping. Instead of a rock or tree stump, there was a pine bench for her iron leg. On it was a plush cotton towel, neatly folded; no need for the thin, half-soaked rag she normally dried over the fire with clothespegs.
Best of all, since Yanjingyis bathed alone, each bath had been freshly filled and she had some privacy. Steam rose invitingly from the small wooden tub. With a smile, Polyam dumped her garments into the bag she used for soiled clothing, and began to rinse off the day’s sweat.
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Post by Rosie on Jul 29, 2020 21:55:09 GMT 10
This felt very atmospheric, I love the comparative luxury between the two, and the references to the difficulties posed by Polyam’s disability.
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Post by mistrali on Jul 29, 2020 23:47:41 GMT 10
Thank you so much!
I can imagine it must have been difficult for Polyam to traverse kilometres of uneven ground even after FitF, but especially so to bathe. Canon gives us some glimpses of that, but I wanted to expand on it. Walking behind a caravan sounds like murder on your ankles, for one, and so does having to walk down a creek bed or riverbank to have a bath.
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Post by devilinthedetails on Jul 30, 2020 0:09:52 GMT 10
You are really great at including the details that make for an atmosphere that is easy to imagine. With the tent baths, I feel that I can smell the scent of the yak-grease candles burning and of the yak soap as well as feel the rough scrubbing of the pumice. Then I love how that bath is contrasted with the private, luxurious one that Polyam is able to take at the end of the story.
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Post by mistrali on Jul 30, 2020 0:18:08 GMT 10
Thank you so much, devilinthedetails! I had originally intended it to be just the one bath (bathing inside is definitely better than having to have your bath in freezing rivers and streams, to me anyway), but I now love the idea that Polyam has her own private (and classier) bathroom, closer to her caravan! Not only because of her disability but because they want to be extra nice to the daka to get a good price I’m really glad you liked the sensory details, since I thought those would add to the fic and I love writing them.
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Post by Kypriotha on Jul 31, 2020 17:32:31 GMT 10
I really like how easily you have captured how the little comforts, like a clean towel and fresh water, can make such a difference to how a person feels, particularly when combined with other important aspects of accessibility and privacy for Polyam. I also love your clear descriptive language - really makes me feel like I'm there in the tent too!
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Post by mistrali on Jul 31, 2020 20:05:36 GMT 10
Thanks very much Kypriotha! All those aspects were ones I wanted to highlight in the fic, so I'm glad you enjoyed them. Polyam reads (to me) like she very much enjoys her alone time now and then. Privacy is hard to come by in a caravan, I'm sure.
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