Post by westernsunset on Nov 28, 2018 7:29:03 GMT 10
Title: Crush on You
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: First Crush
Summary: Raoul has a crush, but he can't tell anyone about it.
“Lady Annel of Hilborne is just…luminescent!” Gary said one evening as the pages were shoveling down dinner after the banquet. “Like no matter where she turns, you can see her perfectly in the candlelight.”
“Lady Annel? What happened to Carlotta?” Alex said good-naturedly. “I thought she was, if I remember correctly ‘the most beautiful woman to grace the banquet hall’?”
“Serviceable impression of me, thank you Alex,” Gary said. “And Carlotta is still the most beautiful, but Lady Annel is more than beautiful. She’s ethereal.”
“Gary no one knows what that means,” Jon said.
“It means she floats in as if from a cloud, she’s one with the air,” Gary said.
“I don’t think that’s actually what ethereal means,” quiet Francis responded.
“Well that’s basically what it means. And you’re one to talk! I saw you mooning over Oralie,” Gary nudged Francis with his arm.
“I was not!” Francis blushed.
“Francis loves Oralie!” Jon said in a sing-song. “Francis, she must be fifteen years older than you!”
“Twelve,” Francis muttered.
The boys howled with good-natured laughter, but Raoul’s heart was beating fast. He hated when the conversation turned to the girls everyone liked, which it seemed to be doing more and more since they’d turned thirteen. He was sure that one of these days his year mates would figure out that he didn’t like any of the girls.
At first when everyone started talking about the girls they dreamt about, Raoul figured he was just behind. He spent a month or so thinking that any day now, his interest in girls would show up. As far as he knew, he wasn’t interested in anyone. Not that way. Then, as months and years passed, he was forced to accept that he certainly wasn’t interested in girls they way the other pages were. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t interested in anyone.
He didn’t know what would happen if everyone found out that he felt the same way about boys that they felt about girls. He could only assume the worst. He knew what people said about those types of men, he’d heard it all before. They were always the butt of jokes among the boys at Goldenlake, and the insult that you were attracted to men was the worst insult a boy could be tarred with. If the insults were bad, the reality was worse, and Raoul was always worried his friends would find out his secret.
Thankfully, he was free from the worries during training. He excelled on the practice courts, mind and body working together, and he liked pushing himself to be even stronger. And his classes were so hard, he didn’t have much time to worry then either. It was only in moments like this, when everyone else was talking easily about who they liked that he started to get nervous.
Nervous, and if he was being honest, a little sad. For all he was scared that someone would find out his secret, a very small part of him wished he could talk about what he was feeling the way his friends could talk about the girls they had crushes on.
“Did anyone else notice Raoul has finally fallen for a lady?” Jon said, leaning in.
Raoul felt himself redden. “I have not!” Why did he say that? Why didn’t he just go along with it? That would have helped his deception.
“Oh Raoul, we all saw you drop the finger bowls at Lady Magelene’s table,” Gary said.
Raoul blushed even harder. He had been nervous at that table, but not because of Lady Magelene. There was another young man at the table, maybe a few years older than Raoul, who looked at him with searching, dark eyes, and made Raoul so flustered he dropped his tray. It was only as he was walking back with a stained tunic and a new tray that he realized this was probably what a crush was supposed to feel like. And immediately after he thought that, he squashed it down, hoping no one noticed his blunder and could connect it to the young man.
But his blunder had been noticed. All Raoul could be thankful for now was that his friends seemed to believe it was for a woman.
Trying to sound casual, he forced a laugh. “You caught me! I wasn’t even paying attention, but her eyes just…” He hoped when he trailed off it sounded like he was lovesick, and not like he had nothing more to say, which was actually why he stopped talking.
All the boys laughed. “And she’s unattached,” Alex said. “We’ll have to get you two together!”
“What about the young man she was with?” Raoul tried not to sound too interested, slowing his voice and working to sound disappointed that he thought Lady Magalene was single.”
“That’s her brother Charles,” Jon said. “There’s hope for the two of you!”
Raoul knew anymore questions about Charles would probably look suspicious, so he made himself look relieved and felt actually relieved when the boys moved on to something else. He felt a familiar mixture of nervous and cheated. Nervous that he’d been so close to being exposed. What if there hadn’t been a woman the table? What would his friends have thought if he’d been so nervous or even obviously attracted to a table full of men? He knew he’d have to be more careful, even more careful than he already was. And that exhausted him.
But he also felt like he was missing out on something, like his friends didn’t really know him. There were so many lies he felt like he was telling, lies his friends didn’t have to tell. It made him feel lonely, even though he was surrounded by his friends.
Francis caught him by the elbow before the boys went off to bed. He waited until the other boys walked out of earshot and asked, “Are you alright?”
Raoul put on a bright smile. “Of course! Just tired.”
Francis continued to surprise Raoul. Sometimes when he didn’t think anyone was paying attention, Francis would make a comment that showed Raoul that Francis saw more than he realized.
“As long as you’re sure. I’m sorry if the others embarrassed you.”
Raoul was touched Francis had noticed, and resolved to do stick up for his friend a little more when Jon and the others gave him a hard time.
“It was a little embarrassing, but I guess that’s what happens. Thanks for noticing Francis,” Raoul said, cuffing Francis on the shoulder.
Francis nodded. “You’ve seemed a little distant lately is all. If something is wrong, you can tell us. We’re your friends.”
Raoul bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. “I know,” his voice wavered a little. “Nothing…nothing’s wrong.” He could tell Francis didn’t believe him, but he didn’t know what else to say.
“Ok. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow Raoul.”
Raoul nodded. “Thanks again Francis.”
He shut the door to his room and sighed, fighting off the urge to cry and feeling alone again. He wondered if Francis would understand, if Raoul were to tell him what he was feeling. Or would that be a bridge too far? Would he ever be able to tell anyone? It was too much to think about tonight, so he crawled into bed.
And for a brief moment before he fell asleep, he though again how nice Charles’s eyes were, and hoped he would see him again.
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: First Crush
Summary: Raoul has a crush, but he can't tell anyone about it.
“Lady Annel of Hilborne is just…luminescent!” Gary said one evening as the pages were shoveling down dinner after the banquet. “Like no matter where she turns, you can see her perfectly in the candlelight.”
“Lady Annel? What happened to Carlotta?” Alex said good-naturedly. “I thought she was, if I remember correctly ‘the most beautiful woman to grace the banquet hall’?”
“Serviceable impression of me, thank you Alex,” Gary said. “And Carlotta is still the most beautiful, but Lady Annel is more than beautiful. She’s ethereal.”
“Gary no one knows what that means,” Jon said.
“It means she floats in as if from a cloud, she’s one with the air,” Gary said.
“I don’t think that’s actually what ethereal means,” quiet Francis responded.
“Well that’s basically what it means. And you’re one to talk! I saw you mooning over Oralie,” Gary nudged Francis with his arm.
“I was not!” Francis blushed.
“Francis loves Oralie!” Jon said in a sing-song. “Francis, she must be fifteen years older than you!”
“Twelve,” Francis muttered.
The boys howled with good-natured laughter, but Raoul’s heart was beating fast. He hated when the conversation turned to the girls everyone liked, which it seemed to be doing more and more since they’d turned thirteen. He was sure that one of these days his year mates would figure out that he didn’t like any of the girls.
At first when everyone started talking about the girls they dreamt about, Raoul figured he was just behind. He spent a month or so thinking that any day now, his interest in girls would show up. As far as he knew, he wasn’t interested in anyone. Not that way. Then, as months and years passed, he was forced to accept that he certainly wasn’t interested in girls they way the other pages were. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t interested in anyone.
He didn’t know what would happen if everyone found out that he felt the same way about boys that they felt about girls. He could only assume the worst. He knew what people said about those types of men, he’d heard it all before. They were always the butt of jokes among the boys at Goldenlake, and the insult that you were attracted to men was the worst insult a boy could be tarred with. If the insults were bad, the reality was worse, and Raoul was always worried his friends would find out his secret.
Thankfully, he was free from the worries during training. He excelled on the practice courts, mind and body working together, and he liked pushing himself to be even stronger. And his classes were so hard, he didn’t have much time to worry then either. It was only in moments like this, when everyone else was talking easily about who they liked that he started to get nervous.
Nervous, and if he was being honest, a little sad. For all he was scared that someone would find out his secret, a very small part of him wished he could talk about what he was feeling the way his friends could talk about the girls they had crushes on.
“Did anyone else notice Raoul has finally fallen for a lady?” Jon said, leaning in.
Raoul felt himself redden. “I have not!” Why did he say that? Why didn’t he just go along with it? That would have helped his deception.
“Oh Raoul, we all saw you drop the finger bowls at Lady Magelene’s table,” Gary said.
Raoul blushed even harder. He had been nervous at that table, but not because of Lady Magelene. There was another young man at the table, maybe a few years older than Raoul, who looked at him with searching, dark eyes, and made Raoul so flustered he dropped his tray. It was only as he was walking back with a stained tunic and a new tray that he realized this was probably what a crush was supposed to feel like. And immediately after he thought that, he squashed it down, hoping no one noticed his blunder and could connect it to the young man.
But his blunder had been noticed. All Raoul could be thankful for now was that his friends seemed to believe it was for a woman.
Trying to sound casual, he forced a laugh. “You caught me! I wasn’t even paying attention, but her eyes just…” He hoped when he trailed off it sounded like he was lovesick, and not like he had nothing more to say, which was actually why he stopped talking.
All the boys laughed. “And she’s unattached,” Alex said. “We’ll have to get you two together!”
“What about the young man she was with?” Raoul tried not to sound too interested, slowing his voice and working to sound disappointed that he thought Lady Magalene was single.”
“That’s her brother Charles,” Jon said. “There’s hope for the two of you!”
Raoul knew anymore questions about Charles would probably look suspicious, so he made himself look relieved and felt actually relieved when the boys moved on to something else. He felt a familiar mixture of nervous and cheated. Nervous that he’d been so close to being exposed. What if there hadn’t been a woman the table? What would his friends have thought if he’d been so nervous or even obviously attracted to a table full of men? He knew he’d have to be more careful, even more careful than he already was. And that exhausted him.
But he also felt like he was missing out on something, like his friends didn’t really know him. There were so many lies he felt like he was telling, lies his friends didn’t have to tell. It made him feel lonely, even though he was surrounded by his friends.
Francis caught him by the elbow before the boys went off to bed. He waited until the other boys walked out of earshot and asked, “Are you alright?”
Raoul put on a bright smile. “Of course! Just tired.”
Francis continued to surprise Raoul. Sometimes when he didn’t think anyone was paying attention, Francis would make a comment that showed Raoul that Francis saw more than he realized.
“As long as you’re sure. I’m sorry if the others embarrassed you.”
Raoul was touched Francis had noticed, and resolved to do stick up for his friend a little more when Jon and the others gave him a hard time.
“It was a little embarrassing, but I guess that’s what happens. Thanks for noticing Francis,” Raoul said, cuffing Francis on the shoulder.
Francis nodded. “You’ve seemed a little distant lately is all. If something is wrong, you can tell us. We’re your friends.”
Raoul bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. “I know,” his voice wavered a little. “Nothing…nothing’s wrong.” He could tell Francis didn’t believe him, but he didn’t know what else to say.
“Ok. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow Raoul.”
Raoul nodded. “Thanks again Francis.”
He shut the door to his room and sighed, fighting off the urge to cry and feeling alone again. He wondered if Francis would understand, if Raoul were to tell him what he was feeling. Or would that be a bridge too far? Would he ever be able to tell anyone? It was too much to think about tonight, so he crawled into bed.
And for a brief moment before he fell asleep, he though again how nice Charles’s eyes were, and hoped he would see him again.
Maybe once we'd have seen it during Smackdown!