Post by Kris11 on Dec 24, 2012 14:04:48 GMT 10
Title: The Place Where They Hold
Rating: G
Prompt: #15, silent night
Summary: He has never given into the demons plaguing him, but Gary wonders sometimes if that is what it will take for them to talk about these silent nights, these vigils over Raoul’s will.
Notes: This is for Wordy, who wanted a Gary/Raoul fic, and who wrote me such a lovely exchange piece. <3
They didn’t talk on these nights, when the pressure built until Raoul thought he would collapse with it, or scream with it, or give in (and that is the worst, when he finds himself willing to grab that bottle and drink the pressure away).
They hardly even look at each other, to be true. Raoul will knock on Gary’s office or bedroom door, and since it is the only time Raoul is hesitant enough to wait to be let in, Gary will know what his friend needs. Other times, when the bottle isn’t taunting Raoul with everything he has given up, Raoul bursts in, already half through a sentence and taking up all the space as Gary tries to catch up (he is always trying to catch up to Raoul, he thinks suddenly, in the silence, always a step behind, too slow to see the damage being done, too far to see the darkness Raoul hid in tankard and glass. He wonders if he could have stopped all of this, if he had been willing to step close, but he doesn’t let himself think the question to its closure).
Instead of talking, Gary works. Even if pulled from sleep, he sits at his desk and pulls papers close, trying to focus eyes bleary with fatigue on the words written there.
Raoul paces, usually, but he never talks about it. Gary is the only thing holding him away from the temptation, sometimes, but there has been this silence between them that he hasn't had the strength or bravery to break. He doesn't know what Gary will say when the silence is broken, and that frightens him.
He has never come to Gary light-headed and staggering, has never given into the demons plaguing him, but Gary wonders sometimes, in the silence between them, if that is what it will take for them to look at each other and talk about these silent nights, these vigils over Raoul’s will.
(Gary wonders if talking about the drained bottles and morning headaches and missed meetings would have kept it from getting this far, but he doesn’t ask)
(Raoul wonders if Gary resents these nights, if he knows that the silence is filled with I’m trying and this is hard and the damn it all, I am so sorry, because it is)
And one night, Gary meets Raoul at the door. Raoul doesn’t walk in, just stands there in the threshold as if he doesn’t belong there, and Gary opens his mouth to shatter the silence that has held them apart since that night when Raoul got on his horse drunk and nearly killed a family. Since Gary had realized that he hadn’t been there to save his friend from himself, since Raoul had been forced to reveal this thing he sees as his greatest weakness.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Gary says.
Raoul looks down with a broken exhalation and Gary pulls him forward until they cling to each other.
“I’ll always be here,” Gary says, and it is enough to keep the silence on the outside of the place where they hold.
Rating: G
Prompt: #15, silent night
Summary: He has never given into the demons plaguing him, but Gary wonders sometimes if that is what it will take for them to talk about these silent nights, these vigils over Raoul’s will.
Notes: This is for Wordy, who wanted a Gary/Raoul fic, and who wrote me such a lovely exchange piece. <3
They didn’t talk on these nights, when the pressure built until Raoul thought he would collapse with it, or scream with it, or give in (and that is the worst, when he finds himself willing to grab that bottle and drink the pressure away).
They hardly even look at each other, to be true. Raoul will knock on Gary’s office or bedroom door, and since it is the only time Raoul is hesitant enough to wait to be let in, Gary will know what his friend needs. Other times, when the bottle isn’t taunting Raoul with everything he has given up, Raoul bursts in, already half through a sentence and taking up all the space as Gary tries to catch up (he is always trying to catch up to Raoul, he thinks suddenly, in the silence, always a step behind, too slow to see the damage being done, too far to see the darkness Raoul hid in tankard and glass. He wonders if he could have stopped all of this, if he had been willing to step close, but he doesn’t let himself think the question to its closure).
Instead of talking, Gary works. Even if pulled from sleep, he sits at his desk and pulls papers close, trying to focus eyes bleary with fatigue on the words written there.
Raoul paces, usually, but he never talks about it. Gary is the only thing holding him away from the temptation, sometimes, but there has been this silence between them that he hasn't had the strength or bravery to break. He doesn't know what Gary will say when the silence is broken, and that frightens him.
He has never come to Gary light-headed and staggering, has never given into the demons plaguing him, but Gary wonders sometimes, in the silence between them, if that is what it will take for them to look at each other and talk about these silent nights, these vigils over Raoul’s will.
(Gary wonders if talking about the drained bottles and morning headaches and missed meetings would have kept it from getting this far, but he doesn’t ask)
(Raoul wonders if Gary resents these nights, if he knows that the silence is filled with I’m trying and this is hard and the damn it all, I am so sorry, because it is)
And one night, Gary meets Raoul at the door. Raoul doesn’t walk in, just stands there in the threshold as if he doesn’t belong there, and Gary opens his mouth to shatter the silence that has held them apart since that night when Raoul got on his horse drunk and nearly killed a family. Since Gary had realized that he hadn’t been there to save his friend from himself, since Raoul had been forced to reveal this thing he sees as his greatest weakness.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Gary says.
Raoul looks down with a broken exhalation and Gary pulls him forward until they cling to each other.
“I’ll always be here,” Gary says, and it is enough to keep the silence on the outside of the place where they hold.