Post by Cass on Apr 12, 2012 15:19:53 GMT 10
Miss R. A. Oul
by Griff and Katty
Miss R. A. Oul,
I love girls. They’re pretty and smell nice and you never have to worry about grabbing the wrong thing off the floor when you’re in a hurry and haven’t a clean thing left around, but I’ve been having a problem lately. Make that three of them. Or four, depending on how you count. Wait, no… Five. Six, maybe?
Well, that’s just it! I have too many girls in my life.
I have one who fusses over my clothing, and one who moves my things and calls it a mess, and another who bring all her stuff in the house and takes up my table. I have one who yells at me, one who ignores what I say, and one who just looks at me and smiles! Which is lovely, except it’s not really very helpful.
Everywhere I step, I’m being beaten about by feminine wiles. What’s a man to do?
Sincerely,
Six-Opinions-and-None-of-Them-Mine.
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Dear Six Opinions,
First off – are you sure their opinions aren’t just better than yours? It’s easy to be overwhelmed by good advice, but your life might be a bit easier if you kept your clutter clean and learned to share.
If you’re sure their opinions aren’t in your best interest, I suggest finding a living space you can keep to yourself. Do not share keys or passwords, keep the blinds closed, and no bringing girls home. Womanly advice is in abundance, but so, apparently, is your availability of women!
Sincerely,
Miss R. A. Oul.
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Miss R. A. Oul,
In recent years, I’ve noticed a rather unusual trend in my close personal relationships. At first, it was just a trait of my cousin, bursting in and marching around like she owned the place, but she’s a flower seller so I never expected much in the way of bashfulness from her. Then, it was a late-night visit from my little red headed friend with a personal problem. But, then it escalated. My friend Johnny seems to have it timed perfectly, showing up in my window at the worst possible moment.
So, here I am, hat in hand, to ask for an explanation: Why do all of my friends break into my room when I’m naked?
I’ve started sleeping in layers. I lock all my windows and doors – not that they weren’t already. I live in dangerous times. I’ve even taken to hiding under the bed while I change! Moving out didn’t help. Last week, it happened at my mothers’!
Please, tell me what’s happening,
Baring-All
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Dear Baring-All,
I think the frequency of your nudis interruptus has clouded your judgement on the matter at hand. The events with your cousin sound expectantly familial, particularly with her inspiring brand of personal freedoms, and the matter of your ginger compatriot was a one-off.
However, this Johnny of yours is different. He seems to have an uncanny knack of showing up while you’re disrobed with a skill bordering on supernatural. Is your friend by chance a mage of considerable skill? Unless I’m wrong – and I very rarely am, readers – your ‘friend’, if we can accurately call him that, has dedicated himself to your bare assets for a particular reason.
Dedicated himself very fervently, if he’s shown up at your mothers.
I think it’s time to ask yourself the time honored question, Baring: Are you going to confront Johnny about his peeping habit and let him know you share his feelings, or let him down easy and hope he hasn’t cursed your small things in revenge?
Sincerely,
Miss R. A. Oul
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Miss R. A. Oul,
I've got a problem. It’s a... squire problem. You see, my squire likes dresses. All kinds of dresses. Long dresses, short dresses, pink dresses, lacy dresses... my squire owns them all.
Now, it’s important to know that I have nothing against dresses per se. My mother wears them, some of my friends wear them... I'm sure they're very... comfortable. It only becomes an issue - a squire issue - when
My last squire wore dresses (and perhaps the one before her) - but never insisted on carrying a full wardrobe around with her. How do I explain to my new squire that he will have to settle for a few less fashion choices from now on? I believe
Love,
Unfashionably Forward Knightmaster
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Unfashionably Forward Knightmaster,
In times like these, drastic times call for drastic measures. If your squire is in a delicate condition, making him feel threatened by stripping him of the security of his beloved wardrobe might just end in tragedy. However, I agree that to pack can mean to over-pack.
Luckily, the solution is clear. It is time for you to change from unfashionably forward to fashionable and change the current trends. I sense that your squire has quite the eye for what is the sharpest look of the hour and it is up to you to utilize that skill to save the lives of everyone around you. Light, gauze gowns that pack well and pack light must become the rage. Low, modest heels, a lack of hoop skirts, and simple down do's without bulky head wraps or too many decorative hair combs, would cut down considerably on the daunting carriage.
I look forward to the results,
Miss R. A. Oul