Post by Rosie on Feb 1, 2012 22:49:02 GMT 10
Title: Friendly Advice
Rating: PG
Recipient: Raoul
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My Dear Raoul,
Lesson #1: Squires are not Love's fair messengers, set on this realm to wing your declarations of love to your sweet lady.
Lesson #2: Other people's squires are not here to do your dirty work. I say this with the authority of my own knightmaster, to whom I am entirely devoted. Sorry; I realise this might hurt given our history. You do, however, have your own squire, though I accept he comes a distant second to my excellent self.
Since the primary matters have been dealt with, let me move on to the more pressing issue of your aborted correspondence with darling Lady Delia.
Ladies are rather touchy when you accuse them of theft, so however poetic you might be trying to be, I would not make reference to her eyes looking like stolen emeralds. Instead, let her think you are the outdoors type, by likening them to the grass you have just lain on, or the bushes through which you have just rummaged. Ladies love a man to be active.
As much as they love an active man, they despise biological inaccuracy. You should therefore reconsider the line "my heart beats for you alone". Show a thorough knowledge of the workings of the human body by writing "although I am fully aware that my heart beats for the purpose of pumping blood around my body, it feels as though it beats for you alone". A line like that is sure to impress a woman like Lady Delia.
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but wrestling is not an attractive sport, and thus, offering to beat any man in a wrestling match for her fair hand is not likely to excite the lady. It also comes across as boastful. Should you make occasional, off-hand references to running things through with your sword, the lady will be far more impressed.
I confess that the swan metaphor leaves me cold. Lady Delia does not spend any time in the lake, and so I am not sure she knows what a swan is. I consider that she would appreciate being likened to a goose far more - they are, after all, the swans of the land.
Please take my advice in the spirit it was given. Should you pass any more letters my way, I will take it as implicit instruction to edit them in accordance with my above ideas.
Ever yours (though obviously I'm actually Gary's now),
Douglass.
Rating: PG
Recipient: Raoul
--
My Dear Raoul,
Lesson #1: Squires are not Love's fair messengers, set on this realm to wing your declarations of love to your sweet lady.
Lesson #2: Other people's squires are not here to do your dirty work. I say this with the authority of my own knightmaster, to whom I am entirely devoted. Sorry; I realise this might hurt given our history. You do, however, have your own squire, though I accept he comes a distant second to my excellent self.
Since the primary matters have been dealt with, let me move on to the more pressing issue of your aborted correspondence with darling Lady Delia.
Ladies are rather touchy when you accuse them of theft, so however poetic you might be trying to be, I would not make reference to her eyes looking like stolen emeralds. Instead, let her think you are the outdoors type, by likening them to the grass you have just lain on, or the bushes through which you have just rummaged. Ladies love a man to be active.
As much as they love an active man, they despise biological inaccuracy. You should therefore reconsider the line "my heart beats for you alone". Show a thorough knowledge of the workings of the human body by writing "although I am fully aware that my heart beats for the purpose of pumping blood around my body, it feels as though it beats for you alone". A line like that is sure to impress a woman like Lady Delia.
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but wrestling is not an attractive sport, and thus, offering to beat any man in a wrestling match for her fair hand is not likely to excite the lady. It also comes across as boastful. Should you make occasional, off-hand references to running things through with your sword, the lady will be far more impressed.
I confess that the swan metaphor leaves me cold. Lady Delia does not spend any time in the lake, and so I am not sure she knows what a swan is. I consider that she would appreciate being likened to a goose far more - they are, after all, the swans of the land.
Please take my advice in the spirit it was given. Should you pass any more letters my way, I will take it as implicit instruction to edit them in accordance with my above ideas.
Ever yours (though obviously I'm actually Gary's now),
Douglass.