Post by wordy on Jun 1, 2011 10:17:39 GMT 10
Raoul's Top Ten Tips...for Surviving Parties
by Katty
The time for parties and celebrations is almost upon us! With my foolproof tips (developed during my extensive experience ruining royal gatherings) you too can avoid parties, or at least make the ones you are ordered to attend more enjoyable!
1. Get a head start on the celebrations, and raid the King’s wine cellar. He’s going to serve it all the next day anyway, so why shouldn’t you enjoy the good stuff now?
2. There is nothing more attractive to Court ladies than the ability to hold a conversation (except maybe for money). There is nothing more unattractive to Court ladies than a man who glares at them silently until they walk away.
3. If, for some reason, you find yourself unable to avoid conversing with Court ladies (i.e. #2 doesn’t work), avoid stories involving your own heroics, or really anything that paints you in a positive light. Instead regale them with the intimate details of your ingrown toenail, or that time your horse was constipated.
4. Being good at dancing and enjoying dancing are not mutually exclusive. If you're a talented but reluctant dancer, make sure to stomp on a few delicate toes - you'll find yourself in the corner, alone, in no time flat.
5. Everyone knows that fashion is all about pushing the boundaries. Try a daring look for your next party (e.g. sequins… lace… tassels… and nothing else) and you might set a new Court trend...or if you're lucky, be sent back to your rooms in disgrace.
6. If you want to avoid greedy matchmaking mothers, bring a date. Be resourceful if needed – dates can be paid for, non-human, or imaginary. Personally, I bring whichever one of my men looks best in a dress (… so almost always Masbolle).
7. Invitations to parties from the King are almost always orders, despite what their words may suggest. Especially ones signed “Love and cuddles, Jonathan xox”.
8. If the King is in denial about his age, it is best if you play along. Pointing out that he couldn’t possibly be 21 will get the Dominion Jewel thrown at your head (even if his eldest son is 25).
9. Sneaking into side rooms with squires will almost always start rumours. Even if you protest loudly that you were “just playing chess”, other guests will almost always make inappropriate comments about “playing with your pawn”.
10. If all else fails… find some roomy drapery, and settle in for a nap.
Maybe once we'd have seen it during Smackdown!