Post by wordy on May 30, 2011 18:49:39 GMT 10
Letters to Miss R. A. Oul
by Lisafer and Rosie
Dear Miss R. A. Oul,
I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’ve been attached to a fellow for most of my life, and I rather fancied myself in love with him. But now I’ve met a new person in my life, and I’m falling in love with her. They’re complete opposites, and I can’t fathom life without either. What is a girl to do, with such possibilities?
With thanks,
Dedicated to Many
Dear Dedicated to Many,
I'm going to share a piece of advice that, whilst it may seem less fun at first, will be infinitely more rewarding (and less thorny).
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Think on it.
-- Miss R. A. Oul
***
Miss R.A. Oul -
I joined an elite military corps as a standard-bearer because I wanted to get the attention of someone I respect. He still doesn’t notice me! He’s friendly enough on the job, but in the evenings he holes up in his tent answering correspondence, when he’s not focusing on that bratty upstart squire of his. What can I do to get the promotion and accolades I desire?
- Can’t Bear Much More
Dear Can't Bear Much More,
I say you look to get his attention by sharing his interests. Perhaps you could try writing to him, since he apparently keeps up with his correspondence.
Good luck!
Love, Miss R. A. Oul.
P.S. I would never condone underhand tactics, but you could also consider discrediting this squire of his.
***
Miss R. A. Oul:
I’ve been offered a job by a warlord, and the assignment worries me a bit. I’m to play body-guard to the lowest form of a man I’ve ever seen. The money is good, though. Moral objections have never weighed heavily on me, but I feel like they might be asking a bit too much of me this time. I don’t want to lose my head, taking on something as important as this. Is there a way to refuse a political leader, or should I just go with the flow and embrace the hard cash?
A Good Head Above it All
Dear A Good Head Above it All,
I know what it is like to work for a leader who makes you do things you otherwise would rather not. I have tried objecting on moral grounds, even feigning injuries or attempting to camouflage myself, but I find that there is often no way to refuse him - and there I am, stuck learning the steps to the latest dance. If you have better luck than me, please write in and let me know!
-- Miss R.A. Oul
***
Dear Miss R.A. Oul,
Ever since my brothers went on a political rampage of aggression, I’ve had a damnable time finding a good gardener. Nothing matters to me as much as my wives or my gardens, but every person I hire ends up disappearing or leaving. I suspect foul play, but I’ve never really been able to control my ministers and nobles. So, until then, I’m just looking for a reliable hire. Any suggestions? I’m willing to hire beyond my own borders.
- Stuck in Displeasure Gardens
Dear Stuck in Displeasure Gardens
How funny that your letter should have come at a time when I am considering a change in career. I have always been a very keen gardener, and would love to take care of your delicate flowers whilst you focus on whichever wife takes your fancy.
Let me know where to apply!
Love, Miss R.A. Oul.
***
My Dear Miss R.A. Oul,
Through a fluke of the Gods, or fate, I’ve found myself a victim of a long distance relationship. My love is from another time. I feel as though every encounter between us is the whim of some power unbeknownst to me. Am I insane? Am I dreaming this entirely? I find myself forgetting about my very stable and wonderful partner in this life, only to dream of this amazing giant of a man in my other one. How can I endure much more?
- Lost in the Knight
Dear Lost in the Knight
He sounds like a fine figure of a man. I suggest you stop fighting and succumb to your feelings.
Love, Miss R.A. Oul
P.S. Do we still have arrangements for tomorrow?
***
Dear Miss R.A. Oul:
I might have made a mistake. Several months ago I abandoned my family in order to run off with an amazing man from another nation. I’ve been living in self-imposed exile since then, enjoying the beginnings of family-life. In the meantime, my sister has completely taken over the role I left. My son is her heir now, and I think it’s important for him to take the throne. Such struggles have led to strife in our family and nation’s history. Can you recommend a subtle method of ensuring my son’s position?
- All in His Best Interest
Dear All in His Best Interest
I think the most effective way of dealing with this is to make sure your son really gets to know his aunt, by sending him to visit her.
If you plan well, you could even avoid his more difficult times this way. I'd recommend all of his teenage years.
-- Miss R.A. Oul.