aerinalanna
Rider Trainee
Getting that fanfic overdose thanks to lisafer's prolific pen.
Posts: 59
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Post by aerinalanna on Aug 31, 2010 8:43:59 GMT 10
Title: Contemplation Rating: PG Word Count: 115 Summary (and any Warnings): Think, think, think, Jon. Notes: My first try at this...it's probably too long and too verbose.
He wondered many times, during the impossibly long day before his coronation, if perhaps it wouldn’t have been better to keep his redheaded former squire with him during this time, to reassure him of his abilities and common sense, and to beat him over the head when he was being an idiot…of course, he reminded himself with a sigh, if she were here right now, she’d be telling him that if he hadn’t been five times an idiot for trying to dictate her life when she was his lover, then she probably never would have run off to the Edge of the World, determined to prove that she was at no man’s beck and call.
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Post by journeycat on Aug 31, 2010 8:48:50 GMT 10
I like this look into their relationship! And don't worry if it's long/verbose - sometimes the challenge can be to make it as long as possible!
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Rowena
Training Master
back to school... >.<
Posts: 2,661
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Post by Rowena on Aug 31, 2010 9:02:46 GMT 10
Oh, I love this look in to Jon's mind! It's so true, and the long sentance fits Jon's thoughts in this - I love how you put this, "if he hadn't been five times an idiot for trying to dictate his life when she was his lover, then she probably never would have run off to the Edge of the World, determined to prove that she was at no man's beck and call." It portrays Alanna, and her relationship with Jon, so well.
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Post by ev on Aug 31, 2010 11:57:31 GMT 10
You showed what Jon was thinking perfectly!
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