Post by wordy on Sept 1, 2010 21:27:49 GMT 10
Delia of Eldorne’s Top Ten Tips To...Seduce Royalty
by Katty
When the Editors asked me for advice seducing royalty, my answer was simple – “be me”. But, since that’s not possible – unless, well, you’re me – they asked me to share a few other pointers with those hoping to snag a royal Duke, Prince or even a King! Thus, I give you – my top ten tips to seduce royalty!
1. The first thing to do is get noticed. That means tight dresses, bright colours, and not being afraid to stuff your bra with linen if you’re a bit lacking in the curves; it’s not false advertising if they can’t tell in the dark, later.
2. Give your chosen royal lots of attention. Royals are fat-heads, and if you don’t spend enough time fawning over them, they'll quickly find someone who is willing to. Such attention-whoring can be tiring though, so sometimes the best thing to do is sit them in front of a mirror and let tell themselves how wonderful they are.
3. If you’re hoping to seduce a royal, you need to take up an interesting hobby, so you have something in common. In my experience, pub crawling, jewellery making, and regicide all seem to be popular with the royal crowd.
4. Jealousy is your best friend; sleep with your royal’s friends, squires and/or parents if you’re having trouble keeping their attention. They’ll be back onto you faster than Myles on
5. Fear is your other best friend; threaten to kill your royal’s friends, squires and/or parents if the jealousy thing doesn’t go the distance. Either/or, whatever gets the job done!
6. Be willing to go odd places to assure your royal of the depths of your affections – that means war torn valleys, demon cities, and even – gasp - the lower city.
7. Team up with another girl, because royals like that kind of thing. Make sure you find one who enhances your best qualities – I personally go for statuesque blondes who make me appear saner.
8. Do not be afraid to get kinky. Cavorting in the catacombs might sound a wee bit freaky, but once you get over the cold, it’s actually rather fun (providing your royal doesn’t want to play with their great-grandparents).
9. Hide your pregnancies well - you never know when that secret illegitimate son might come in handy. If all else fails, he can join the King’s Own and support you in your old age, or something.
10. If all else fails, try to kill your royal. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like a failed assassination attempt.