Post by wordy on Sept 1, 2010 0:03:03 GMT 10
Miss R A Oul
by inthefire, Lisa, and Rosie
Dear Miss R. A. Oul,
I heard that you recently turned out a renowned student, and I was hoping that your expertise could help me achieve a similar feat. You see, I have a bit of a temper, and students, even those that are not my own, are terrified of me. I would not mind in the least it if they were a little frightened of me, but it can be incredibly frustrating trying to teach someone who refuses to go within a mile of you.
- Thorny Tutor
Dear Thorny Tutor,
Your reputation for being, err, firm has most definitely spread. Actually, I’m even a bit anxious about responding, but I’ve faced some fairly formidable people in my past and survived.
Anyway, I seem to suffer from a bit of a similar problem. Battle names…don’t even. It’s Giantkiller, not Jesslawkiller. Clearly someone in this realm has terrible hearing, and the court ladies with their evil functions ensure that everyone hears the daily lies.
It can be hard to teach students when they fear you, but miracles can happen when you spend extra time with a student. Privately, of course.
Enjoy,
Miss R A Oul
PS: May I add that it is wise to close the drapes when, err, teaching a student? Things get quite messy when you forget to.
- - -
Dear Miss R. A. Oul,
One of my friends is a girl and I don’t know why, but I’ve been feeling so, so jolly around her. All of a sudden I really want to impress her too. She’s always fiddling with my clothes before banquets and trying to make me look nice. I never minded before, but ever since she started seeming so jolly I’ve wanted to make myself look handsome before she sees me.
Can you help me?
Still a Sidekick
Dear Still a Sidekick,
I used to have problems impressing the ladies, but ever since I grew a moustache they’ve been like spidrens who have sensed fresh meat. I had to pick up jousting to defend myself!
Grow a moustache (once you can) and she’ll be all yours!
Miss R. A. Oul
- - -
Dear Miss RA Oul,
I’ve always been a quiet guy – it’s my nature. But it’s reached extremes as of late. After I was sick and abed with the Sweating Sickness, everyone’s forgotten me. It’s as if I no longer exist!! What would you recommend of me, in order to catch everyone’s attention? I’ll do anything you advise!
- Your Shy, Blond Shadow
Dear Shadow,
I thought I'd been making curtains awfully lumpy of late - my wife told me I was putting on weight, but now we come to the truth of the matter!
Notoriety in Tortall if you are a man is gained either via being very powerful, or plotting against those who are very powerful. If you are a woman, you may either try to pass yourself off as a man, or, from what I gather, wear orange and pink together. Everyone will be talking of you.
Hope to hear of you soon!
- Miss R A Oul
- - -
Dear Miss RA Oul,
My wife has a dangerous job. I don’t begrudge her the work because she loves it and she’s good at it. But she was injured on her last chase – dangerously so – and I think maybe it’s time for her to move toward a desk position instead of risking her life every night. How do I convince her that this might be a good idea, and perhaps more importantly, her idea?
Thank you,
A Devoted Husband
Dear A Devoted Husband,
I find it hard to condemn somebody to desk work, considering I have been chained to my desk for the best part of the day. Allow me to present you with some other options. Being, as I am, married to a strong woman myself, I understand the predicament in which you find yourself. In fact, my wife recently gave up her own dangerous work, in favour of spending more time with me, at my dangerous work. That was her idea, though - or at least, I think it was. If you can stand one another's company, suggest she joins you at your work. Hours of marital bliss (please note this is not a guarantee).
Alternatively, if you are not so fond of each other's company, may I suggest you try to get her to hear the pitter-patter of little feet?
All the best!
Miss R A Oul.
- - -
Miss R.A. Oul –
I’ve been the source of ridicule for my entire life because of my name. I don’t know what my parents were thinking/drinking when they came up with it, and everyone – even my brothers and sisters (who don’t have exactly common names themselves!) – mocks me! You don’t seem to have a conventional name. What advice could you give a fellow in order to deal with this?
Sincerely,
Mortified and Mocked
Dear Mortified and Mocked,
It might have helped if you'd included your real name somewhere on your letter - so I could see exactly what troubles you, you understand, and not because after a day of answering letters, I'm in sore need of a laugh.
I suggest you follow in my footsteps, and find yourself a forbidding moniker - something like 'Giantkiller' tends to still mocking tongues. Take care not to overreach yourself if 'Weedkiller' is all you are able to amount to; folks like a demonstration once in a while.
- Miss R A Oul.
- - -
Miss R. A. Oul,
Ever since I was really little, I’ve known things. Things that I shouldn’t. And sometimes I open my mouth and elemental magic speaks through me. This is more than a little disconcerting, to me as well as the people around me. I don’t really have a way of controlling the things I know – I just get a feeling, and before I know it, I’m blurting out information that I shouldn’t know about. Just last week I told the lady knight that she would have an affair with one of her mentors, and I wish I hadn’t said anything.
What would you suggest?
Creepy Girl
Creepy Girl,
I'll thank you to keep your nose out of my business. I don't appreciate my curtains being twitched, and neither does the lady knight.
- Miss R A Oul.