Post by wordy on Mar 4, 2010 7:12:19 GMT 10
Five Books Tamora Pierce Would (Probably) Never Write
by Katty
After the article last issue on books we’d like to see Tamora Pierce write, I got thinking – what stories would she never write? As such, I give you: five books Tamora Pierce would (probably) never write!
One: Alanna Goes to the Convent
Alanna the Lioness, reeling from her separation from her husband George and the realisation that her children have all grown up and left home, has a mid-life crisis. In her demented stupor, she decides to go back and change the course of her life. She packs her bags, and heads to the convent she was supposed to attend forty years past. There, she learns how to dance, how to sew, and how to be a gently-bred lady. Her mission is not without adversity and opposition, but as always, she triumphs. Upon her presentation at Court, she falls in love with the handsome Conte prince, Roald – but can their love make it?
Two: True Blonde
Keladry of Mindelan is excited; the not-natural-blonde community of Corus have recently revealed themselves, due to the invention of a reliable, synthetic method of bleaching called peroxide. Kel hopes that one day the not-natural-blondes and the rest of the community can live in peace. However, the uneasy truce between the two groups is shattered when girls start showing up dead with bleached hair. It is clearly the work of a not-natural-blonde – or is it? Matters are further complicated with the arrival of the smooth and sexy Joren, who Kel can’t quite get out of her mind. Is it possible that the deaths and his sudden arrival are just coincidences? Or, could he be – dare we say it – not a natural blonde? Only Kel can find out!
Three: Keladry of Mindelan and the Chamber of Secrets
Keladry, Nealan and Owen are students at a special school for pages, concealed in the depths of the Royal Palace. Amongst the normal dilemmas of life as a page, they notice something far more sinister going on. An oversized python has been freed from the mysterious Chamber of Ordeal, and is roaming the Pages wing, petrifying the pages. Keladry, Neal and Owen must try to defeat the snake-monster before it eats/kills someone. The real question is, who is in charge of it – Neal’s younger sister Jessamine, or the evil Roger of Conte, back from the dead?
(Hmm... It sounded better when JKR did it)
Four: Numair’s Ark
The end of the world is nigh. In response to weather forecasts of biblical-scale flooding, Daine and Numair decide to build an ark and fill it with two of each animal (oh, and their two children). They narrowly survive disaster but have to watch the rest of the world wash away. Slowly, the realisation hits them that they are the last two people left in the world who aren’t related – talk about relationship pressure! Desperate and depressed, Daine turns to her animals for comfort. But what will Numair do when he finds out that Daine is cheating on him? Can their love survive? (A Bills & Moon Romance Novel!)
Five: Knicknack Carthak
Jonathan is a man who lives a double life, as an average King named Jonathan of Conte by day and a famous cross-dressing yodeller named Knicknack Carthak by night. He conceals his real identity from the public, only sharing his double-identity with his close friends and family. What will happen when supersleuth (and number one fan) Myles of Olau discovers his secret? And how will he handle the vicious rumours spread by his main competitor, Rogittney Smears?
Maybe once we'd have seen it during Smackdown!