Post by westernsunset on Mar 29, 2019 0:50:38 GMT 10
Title: Don't Come True
Rating: G
Prompt: Disappointment
Summary: Jon struggles with his children's future and what he wants for them, versus what they're called to do. Based on the Bruce Springsteen song "The River."
Jon had wondered if he would be as enamored with his subsequent children as he was with Roald. He remembered when Roald was born, all he’d wanted to do was stare at his newborn son, watching him sleep, watching his wide eyes take in the entire world, imagining what his son was processing and learning. He’d figured that a second child would be less exciting, that he would spend every moment enraptured by his new daughter.
Of course, he was wrong. Fulfilling other obligations became so much more challenging when all he wanted to do was watch Kalasin, hold her while she was sleeping, comfort her when she cried, talk to her softly and watch her grow and learn.
“I can’t wait to watch her grow into a ruler and a queen,” Thayet whispered.
Jon swallowed. Of course he wished his children could all stay in Tortall, ruling the kingdom they grew up in. He wanted them all to fall in love before marriage, the way he had fallen in love with Thayet. But he knew that wasn’t possible. Logically, practically, he knew his children would more likely than not end up in arranged marriages. And an arranged marriage for his new daughter would probably take her away from Tortall. But he didn’t bring it up. He didn’t want to ruin the glow in Thayet’s eyes as they gazed down at their sleeping daughter.
He hadn’t had to think about this with Roald. The oldest son would become the King. That was how it had always been done. There was certainly a possibility that Roald would have an arranged marriage, but it wasn’t a guarantee. A second child? A daughter? Things were different.
Was it fair, to expect his children to fulfill their responsibilities to the kingdom, to marry people in order to create alliances, to move far from their home? Of course it wasn’t fair. Jon knew it wasn’t fair. It certainly wasn’t fair that children starved in the streets while his children had three full meals a day. The Gods scales had to be balanced. There were trade-offs in life, and these types of responsibilities were what his children had to shoulder to make up for the incredibly fortuitous life they’d been born into.
He’d had that conversation with Thayet before they’d started having children. But talking about it in the abstract felt so much easier than facing the reality of sending their children off to unknown people and unknown lands. He knew he was borrowing trouble, that he wouldn’t have to face these issues until his children were much older. But the thought of ruining Thayet’s vision for her children was keeping him up at night.
“What’s going on?” Thayet asked one night. She was feeding Kalasin in the study while Jon looked over farming reports. The realm was starting to recover from the famine, but he was still worried about the northern fiefs.
“Going on? Nothing,” he said.
“You’re fiddling with your earlobe. You only do that when you’re nervous. Are the reports that bad?”
Jon sighed. He should have known Thayet would realize his anxiety eventually. “No, the fiefs are fine. It’s something that’s been troubling me about our children’s future.”
Thayet didn’t say anything. She’d learned that when there was something difficult to talk about, Jon needed a lot of empty space to say what he needed to say. As decisive as he was as a king, he had a hard time disappointing people he loved. Too often, he just wouldn’t say hard truths, preferring to adjust or fix things without ever talking about them.
“They can’t live here. You know they can’t live here forever,” he finally blurted out.
“I know darling,” Thayet said softly. “We discussed that when we had Roald. That’s part of what they were born into.”
“It’s just, you said you couldn’t wait to watch Kalasin grow into a ruler and a queen. You’re not going to be able to do that.”
Thayet sighed and put a sleeping Kalasin down. “I know. It’s hard to have dreams you know you won’t come true. I want to keep all my children close to me forever. I know that’s not possible, in my head. I can’t seem to make my heart understand that.”
“I hate that this hurts you,” Jon said quietly.
“I know it hurts you too,” she responded. “Our children aren’t going to do exactly what we want them to, in ways big and small. They’re going to delight and disappoint us. And sometimes the dreams we have for them won’t be possible. It’s part of raising children.”
Jon smiled weakly. “I guess you’re right. I certainly didn’t do everything my parents wanted me to.”
Thayet laughed. “And now our children will punish you by acting just as you did.”
He shuddered. “Perish the thought! But you’re right.”
“I know I am, love.” Just then Roald started crying. “I think it’s your turn to soothe our little dream,” Thayet said.
Jon smiled, for real this time. “Already disappointing me! Interrupting our conversation!” He stopped to kiss Thayet’s head. “Thank you for listening.”
“I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling this. We’ll get through it together,” Thayet said.
“We always do.”
Rating: G
Prompt: Disappointment
Summary: Jon struggles with his children's future and what he wants for them, versus what they're called to do. Based on the Bruce Springsteen song "The River."
Jon had wondered if he would be as enamored with his subsequent children as he was with Roald. He remembered when Roald was born, all he’d wanted to do was stare at his newborn son, watching him sleep, watching his wide eyes take in the entire world, imagining what his son was processing and learning. He’d figured that a second child would be less exciting, that he would spend every moment enraptured by his new daughter.
Of course, he was wrong. Fulfilling other obligations became so much more challenging when all he wanted to do was watch Kalasin, hold her while she was sleeping, comfort her when she cried, talk to her softly and watch her grow and learn.
“I can’t wait to watch her grow into a ruler and a queen,” Thayet whispered.
Jon swallowed. Of course he wished his children could all stay in Tortall, ruling the kingdom they grew up in. He wanted them all to fall in love before marriage, the way he had fallen in love with Thayet. But he knew that wasn’t possible. Logically, practically, he knew his children would more likely than not end up in arranged marriages. And an arranged marriage for his new daughter would probably take her away from Tortall. But he didn’t bring it up. He didn’t want to ruin the glow in Thayet’s eyes as they gazed down at their sleeping daughter.
He hadn’t had to think about this with Roald. The oldest son would become the King. That was how it had always been done. There was certainly a possibility that Roald would have an arranged marriage, but it wasn’t a guarantee. A second child? A daughter? Things were different.
Was it fair, to expect his children to fulfill their responsibilities to the kingdom, to marry people in order to create alliances, to move far from their home? Of course it wasn’t fair. Jon knew it wasn’t fair. It certainly wasn’t fair that children starved in the streets while his children had three full meals a day. The Gods scales had to be balanced. There were trade-offs in life, and these types of responsibilities were what his children had to shoulder to make up for the incredibly fortuitous life they’d been born into.
He’d had that conversation with Thayet before they’d started having children. But talking about it in the abstract felt so much easier than facing the reality of sending their children off to unknown people and unknown lands. He knew he was borrowing trouble, that he wouldn’t have to face these issues until his children were much older. But the thought of ruining Thayet’s vision for her children was keeping him up at night.
“What’s going on?” Thayet asked one night. She was feeding Kalasin in the study while Jon looked over farming reports. The realm was starting to recover from the famine, but he was still worried about the northern fiefs.
“Going on? Nothing,” he said.
“You’re fiddling with your earlobe. You only do that when you’re nervous. Are the reports that bad?”
Jon sighed. He should have known Thayet would realize his anxiety eventually. “No, the fiefs are fine. It’s something that’s been troubling me about our children’s future.”
Thayet didn’t say anything. She’d learned that when there was something difficult to talk about, Jon needed a lot of empty space to say what he needed to say. As decisive as he was as a king, he had a hard time disappointing people he loved. Too often, he just wouldn’t say hard truths, preferring to adjust or fix things without ever talking about them.
“They can’t live here. You know they can’t live here forever,” he finally blurted out.
“I know darling,” Thayet said softly. “We discussed that when we had Roald. That’s part of what they were born into.”
“It’s just, you said you couldn’t wait to watch Kalasin grow into a ruler and a queen. You’re not going to be able to do that.”
Thayet sighed and put a sleeping Kalasin down. “I know. It’s hard to have dreams you know you won’t come true. I want to keep all my children close to me forever. I know that’s not possible, in my head. I can’t seem to make my heart understand that.”
“I hate that this hurts you,” Jon said quietly.
“I know it hurts you too,” she responded. “Our children aren’t going to do exactly what we want them to, in ways big and small. They’re going to delight and disappoint us. And sometimes the dreams we have for them won’t be possible. It’s part of raising children.”
Jon smiled weakly. “I guess you’re right. I certainly didn’t do everything my parents wanted me to.”
Thayet laughed. “And now our children will punish you by acting just as you did.”
He shuddered. “Perish the thought! But you’re right.”
“I know I am, love.” Just then Roald started crying. “I think it’s your turn to soothe our little dream,” Thayet said.
Jon smiled, for real this time. “Already disappointing me! Interrupting our conversation!” He stopped to kiss Thayet’s head. “Thank you for listening.”
“I’m glad I’m not alone in feeling this. We’ll get through it together,” Thayet said.
“We always do.”
Maybe once we'd have seen it during Smackdown!