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Post by stardustrial on Apr 9, 2013 15:18:40 GMT 10
Title: Lying Rating: PG Word Count: 207 Pairing: Kalasin/Kaddar Round/Fight: 1/A Summary: AU where Kalasin and Kaddar's first child is female, instead of male. Kaddar may be a little OOC
After your first child, you feel awful, but that’s all right – you would have been stupid to have not expected it.
That doesn’t hurt that much though. Where the pain comes from, the hatred bubbling at the base of your throat, the acid seared into the base of your fingernails, is the carefully concealed disappointment in Kaddar’s face when the dark skin and the tiny blob of black hair is revealed to be female.
You hate yourself for hating yourself.
You feel sick, too hungry and too full at the same time, as if some part of your body and mind that had always been there is now missing, as if your body is about to collapse in onto itself, and the sky is red and the sheets are red and the streets are red, but –
You have always been good at lying to yourself. You have always been good at hoping against all hope. You told yourself that gender doesn’t matter, but it does. You never could have imagined how much such a failure could hurt. You’ve done it all wrong, and you know, and worst of all, Kaddar knows too.
This is all your body. This is all your blood. Gods, though – doesn’t it hurt?
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Post by mistrali on Apr 9, 2013 15:49:57 GMT 10
Oh, this is heartwrenching.
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Muse
Knight
Official Rogerfic Curator
Junior Overlord
Posts: 2,160
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Post by Muse on Apr 17, 2013 2:51:57 GMT 10
Kalasin's thoughts and how she's torn between the two mindsets--that of home, and that of Carthak, is wretched and wonderful at the same time. (Wonderful in how you wrote it so well, you know.)
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Griff
Knight
Deputy Mischief Maker
Posts: 2,156
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Post by Griff on Jun 7, 2013 10:32:27 GMT 10
The painful pressure on a queen to produce a male heir is so glossed over in TP's books this hurts just an extra bit.
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