Post by Shhasow on Mar 30, 2011 7:38:48 GMT 10
Title: Shadows, (4)
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 871
Pairing: Jon/Kel
Round/Fight:1/F
Summary: A short tale of sadness and old age, and the bitterness of holding on. Warning for mental deterioration.
Lost in his memories of the past and the confusion of the present, the former king of Tortall suffered from an unusual mental decline. The putative cause was attributed to his extensive use of the Dominion Jewel, which had stressed and strained his mind and made it age at an extraordinary pace. With his prodigious Gift, Jon should have lived in relative health until over ninety, but at seventy-five, he’d spent five full years in altering states of delirium and irritable confusion.
Kel had never thought of leaving Jon, not even when he was at his testiest and most self-delusional, not even when she listened patiently to his child-like ramblings or ushered him around on his carefully scheduled walks in the garden. Most of the time, he thought he was with his first wife, and it hurt Kel more than she would have imagined to hear herself called Thayet.
That simple name made her feel the interloper, as if she’d always been a simple replacement. As if she’d wasted her life.
Her tears were gone; she’d cried so much already that nothing else would come out. Kel hadn’t cried in years and years and now she was an old woman who moved gingerly, her joints and bones and muscles endlessly aching and tight after decades of intense training and intensive healing.
“Kel?”
She’d been sitting in a chair next to Jon’s bed, reading quietly to him, and at his voice she glanced up in surprise. It had been years since Jon had a lucid moment lasting longer than a few breaths. These moments of sanity were both a salve and a torment, to see her husband as he should have been made his mental confusion more painful, though Kel had grown more inured to it over the years.
Still, she placed down her book and slipped her gnarled hand into his. “Yes, Jon.”
“Kel,” he said again, stronger. His weak voice, usually distant and creaky, regained an edge reminiscent of his long-gone youth. Kel felt a shred of disbelief and doubt, and she could not respond. The words were caught in her throat, and she could only squeeze his old bones gently.
He smiled weakly, wrinkles becoming deeper at the edges of his eyes. “You look so old,” he whispered, one hand reaching up to trace the curve of her cheek.
Kel realized that she was crying only when his thumb, trembling, swiped away the water.
“You’re still here. I dreamed, I dreamed that you were gone.”
“Did you think that I could go?” Kel choked out through the lump lodged in her throat. This was their first real conversation in five years, but it made her heart ache to look back on all the wasted years and think that he remembered nothing.
His clear blue eyes suddenly clouded, and he looked at her with sudden confusion. “Little Keladry of Mindelan? I’m sorry about the probation, but it was the only way to get you into knight training. You’ll be fine, don’t worry.” His hand left her cheek to pat her hand, fatherly.
She blinked away tears. “Jon, don’t you remember? You were just here, Jon.” Kel whispered in a small voice, “Come back.”
His leathery face pulled together in a deep frown. “Kel-Keladry?” Then, as if the moments had never existed, his eyes narrowed.
“You should have left,” Jon said, suddenly harsh. “You should have left me after how I treated you. Dumped me with the palace healers.”
“Would you have left me?”
Without a hint of hesitation, Jon shook his head.
“Then how could I be any different?” Kel’s thumb stroked the back of his hand.
“Kel,” he whispered again, almost desperately. “I feel something odd; I feel the shadows creeping in. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to leave you again.”
Tears overflowed and fell from her red-rimmed eyes as she spoke fiercely, “I won’t go.”
“Please. I want the last thing I remember to be you.” Kel bit back the words that wanted to escape - ‘but you won’t remember’ - and simply slipped underneath the covers. His long arm draped around her shoulders and stroked her back, and hers was flung protectively across his chest.”
Jon dropped a soft unsteady kiss to her forehead as they gazed searchingly into each other’s eyes. “I love you, Kel,” he said finally. “I always love you, even when I call you something different. I know you’re there. I feel you, even if I can’t say anything.”
“I know.” Kel couldn’t prevent the sadness that crept into her voice, but Jon hardly noticed as his eyes began to unfocus.
When he looked back at her, it was with slight confusion. “Thayet. What are you doing? I thought we had a meeting with Harailt about the new university.”
Kel hid her face in his soft cotton shirt so he wouldn’t see her distress. “It was canceled, dear. Go back to sleep.”
Her voice trembled, but he didn’t notice, already lost in another memory of the past. As they drifted off to sleep, Kel could almost convince herself that they were still a normal loving couple. That she hadn’t lived for another woman’s husband for five years. That this was her Jon, and that he still knew it.
QC by: journeycat
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 871
Pairing: Jon/Kel
Round/Fight:1/F
Summary: A short tale of sadness and old age, and the bitterness of holding on. Warning for mental deterioration.
Lost in his memories of the past and the confusion of the present, the former king of Tortall suffered from an unusual mental decline. The putative cause was attributed to his extensive use of the Dominion Jewel, which had stressed and strained his mind and made it age at an extraordinary pace. With his prodigious Gift, Jon should have lived in relative health until over ninety, but at seventy-five, he’d spent five full years in altering states of delirium and irritable confusion.
Kel had never thought of leaving Jon, not even when he was at his testiest and most self-delusional, not even when she listened patiently to his child-like ramblings or ushered him around on his carefully scheduled walks in the garden. Most of the time, he thought he was with his first wife, and it hurt Kel more than she would have imagined to hear herself called Thayet.
That simple name made her feel the interloper, as if she’d always been a simple replacement. As if she’d wasted her life.
Her tears were gone; she’d cried so much already that nothing else would come out. Kel hadn’t cried in years and years and now she was an old woman who moved gingerly, her joints and bones and muscles endlessly aching and tight after decades of intense training and intensive healing.
“Kel?”
She’d been sitting in a chair next to Jon’s bed, reading quietly to him, and at his voice she glanced up in surprise. It had been years since Jon had a lucid moment lasting longer than a few breaths. These moments of sanity were both a salve and a torment, to see her husband as he should have been made his mental confusion more painful, though Kel had grown more inured to it over the years.
Still, she placed down her book and slipped her gnarled hand into his. “Yes, Jon.”
“Kel,” he said again, stronger. His weak voice, usually distant and creaky, regained an edge reminiscent of his long-gone youth. Kel felt a shred of disbelief and doubt, and she could not respond. The words were caught in her throat, and she could only squeeze his old bones gently.
He smiled weakly, wrinkles becoming deeper at the edges of his eyes. “You look so old,” he whispered, one hand reaching up to trace the curve of her cheek.
Kel realized that she was crying only when his thumb, trembling, swiped away the water.
“You’re still here. I dreamed, I dreamed that you were gone.”
“Did you think that I could go?” Kel choked out through the lump lodged in her throat. This was their first real conversation in five years, but it made her heart ache to look back on all the wasted years and think that he remembered nothing.
His clear blue eyes suddenly clouded, and he looked at her with sudden confusion. “Little Keladry of Mindelan? I’m sorry about the probation, but it was the only way to get you into knight training. You’ll be fine, don’t worry.” His hand left her cheek to pat her hand, fatherly.
She blinked away tears. “Jon, don’t you remember? You were just here, Jon.” Kel whispered in a small voice, “Come back.”
His leathery face pulled together in a deep frown. “Kel-Keladry?” Then, as if the moments had never existed, his eyes narrowed.
“You should have left,” Jon said, suddenly harsh. “You should have left me after how I treated you. Dumped me with the palace healers.”
“Would you have left me?”
Without a hint of hesitation, Jon shook his head.
“Then how could I be any different?” Kel’s thumb stroked the back of his hand.
“Kel,” he whispered again, almost desperately. “I feel something odd; I feel the shadows creeping in. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to leave you again.”
Tears overflowed and fell from her red-rimmed eyes as she spoke fiercely, “I won’t go.”
“Please. I want the last thing I remember to be you.” Kel bit back the words that wanted to escape - ‘but you won’t remember’ - and simply slipped underneath the covers. His long arm draped around her shoulders and stroked her back, and hers was flung protectively across his chest.”
Jon dropped a soft unsteady kiss to her forehead as they gazed searchingly into each other’s eyes. “I love you, Kel,” he said finally. “I always love you, even when I call you something different. I know you’re there. I feel you, even if I can’t say anything.”
“I know.” Kel couldn’t prevent the sadness that crept into her voice, but Jon hardly noticed as his eyes began to unfocus.
When he looked back at her, it was with slight confusion. “Thayet. What are you doing? I thought we had a meeting with Harailt about the new university.”
Kel hid her face in his soft cotton shirt so he wouldn’t see her distress. “It was canceled, dear. Go back to sleep.”
Her voice trembled, but he didn’t notice, already lost in another memory of the past. As they drifted off to sleep, Kel could almost convince herself that they were still a normal loving couple. That she hadn’t lived for another woman’s husband for five years. That this was her Jon, and that he still knew it.
QC by: journeycat