Post by Shhasow on Mar 30, 2011 13:12:31 GMT 10
Title: Manly Bush
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1115
Pairing: Jon/Kel
Round/Fight: 1/F
Summary: At the end of his rope, Kel lifts Jon’s spirits. Rating for one or two naughty words, crack masquerading as serious fiction.
There was an uproar in Tortall. Nobles whispered among themselves, commoners scratched their heads in disbelief. Everyone was in a state of shock about the news from Corus, which had disseminated like a wildfire.
Every story began a different way. Some said that the king had cheated on the queen, others said it was the other way around, or that the king discovered that Roald wasn’t his son. A few even claimed that the king threatened his queen and that she worried for her protection. Of course, anyone who knew either Jon or Thayet knew this was ridiculous, for if such a thing had happened, the king wouldn’t still be alive, but long dead from Thayet’s wrath. One story even claimed that king had gone mad, declared himself the Emperor of ‘Fuzzy-Land’ and attempted to marry the Crown Prince of Tusaine. Thankfully, that was laughed down everywhere.
However, every version of the story ended the same, with Queen Thayet the Peerless storming to the nearest Goddess temple and declaring that she was divorcing that no-good pox-rotten bastard King Jonathan.
In shock, the priestesses had no option but to finalize the divorce, especially when a notarized message arrived from the palace granting his permission for the legal separation. Gareth of Naxen carried the signature, and remained to argue the settlement, which ended up being very generous for Thayet.
In the span of an hour, the country went from picturing their monarchs as happily, blissfully married, to gazing in shock at the burnt ashes of a shattered marriage.
No one was quite sure who was to blame, but most decided that since ex-queen Thayet had requested the divorce, it must be King Jonathan’s fault. Overnight, the once-popular and admired king became nearly a pariah to his own people.
In response, the king secluded himself more and more, not even leaving his office some days as he mindlessly read reports and dictated royal declarations.
One day, Lady Knight Keladry was walking through the palace when she was stopped by a harried-looking prime minister. “My lord,” she greeted, eyeing his bushy mustache with terrible fascination as it quivered violently.
“Keladry!” he exclaimed, then hastily corrected himself. “I apologize, lady knight, I’m merely a bit busy and stressed, and, oops!” The stack of papers in his arms shifted, and he barely reacted in time to catch and resettle them.
Keladry watched the teetering stack of paper with amused alarm. “Is there anything I can do for you, my lord?”
“Why, actually there is!” He shifted through his mountain of papers and somehow managed to withdraw a single folder without the lot toppling down around his ears. “If you could be so kind, please take these to the king. I promise you, he won’t bite,” he added at Kel’s uneasy face. “Jon’s a bit upset still, but I haven’t the time to deal with him today. Thank you, lady knight, I appreciate this,” he called over his shoulder as he left in a flurry of papers.
Kel glanced down at the file in her hand and sighed. She supposed she was to see the king, then. She hadn’t seen him since the unfortunate debacle a few months before, but there was no reason to refuse. Besides, she had asked.
When Kel arrived at the great oak door, she knocked quietly and waited for the muffled, ‘enter,’ to crack open the door.
“I have some papers for you, from Lord Gareth, sire,” she glanced in and sucked in a quick breath.
The king looked rather contradictory as he read some bit of paper. His hair was rather wild, and his clothes seemed unkempt and ill-fitting, but his beard was longer than she’d seen before, at least two inches, and trimmed exquisitely. Every hair was the exact same length, and it looked unnaturally smooth.
Kel couldn’t stop looking at the beard. Her palms grew sweaty and began to itch, so she laid the file of papers on the desk and shoved her hands in her pockets.
He finally looked up from his intent reading. “Ah, Lady Knight, thank you for dropping these by. Knowing Gary, I’m certain they are of the utmost importance, vital to national security.” Jon chuckled slightly, then gestured to a chair in front of the desks. “Come in, sit down. Tell me of the latest gossip. Have I yet progressed to a madman who ritualistically slaughters tiny furry animals?”
Kel sat down, a bit uneasy with this man who was both incredibly tense and much too relaxed, joking about the incident that had villified him. “Nothing of the sort, sire. You remain simply a callous man bent on gathering as much power and ruling with an iron-fist over your family as well as your kingdom.”
He scoffed. “Amateurs, the lot of them. They can’t even stir themselves to be creative.”
She hesitated, then plunged ahead. “Sire, would it be too presumptuous of me to ask what happened?”
He raised one cool eyebrow. “Would it surprise you to hear that you are the first person to ask me that? Most people simply take Thayet’s side. Even Gary just moaned about the political implications. Raoul told me not to be an idiot.”
Kel fidgeted, twisting her hands and feeling rather awkward and out of her depth. “That is sad, Your Majesty. You lived over twenty years with her; you were just as emotionally invested as she.” Kel paused, suddenly aware of the king’s intense gaze, then continued slowly, “If you would like to tell, I would listen.”
He looked away from her, then rubbed his eyes. “I rather appreciate that, Keladry, and the fact is that it’s very simple. Thayet gave me an ultimatum, and I couldn’t choose her.”
Kel tried to think of what could possibly make such an obviously-loving couple split after so many years, what kind of ultimatum a wife might give, when the king threw up his hands.
“Thayet said: the beard or me.”
She frowned in confusion. “Sire?”
“I said it was simple,” he said glumly. “Thayet has always hated my beard. She’s been after me for years and years to shave it off, but I love it. It’s very kingly, you know? So finally, she told me to shave it or she was leaving.” He cupped his chin, obscured by the beard. “I didn’t suspect she could be serious, so I told her to go ahead.”
Kel shook her head. “That’s very tragic, sire.” Suddenly, she had an uncontrollable impulse, and she followed around his desk, nearer to the sad monarch. “May I?” she asked, her fingers outstretched towards his jaw.
When he just nodded bemusedly, Kel ran her fingers through his thick facial hair, starting from the end of his jaw towards the tip of his chin, where she dug her fingers in and massaged the coarse hairs. “I am sorry about her,” she murmured, “But I love your manly bush.”
The blue eyes that were now so close to her widened in shock, and his breath caught audibly. “Keladry,” he said, softly but urgently, “Would you marry me?”
QC by PeroxidePirate
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1115
Pairing: Jon/Kel
Round/Fight: 1/F
Summary: At the end of his rope, Kel lifts Jon’s spirits. Rating for one or two naughty words, crack masquerading as serious fiction.
There was an uproar in Tortall. Nobles whispered among themselves, commoners scratched their heads in disbelief. Everyone was in a state of shock about the news from Corus, which had disseminated like a wildfire.
Every story began a different way. Some said that the king had cheated on the queen, others said it was the other way around, or that the king discovered that Roald wasn’t his son. A few even claimed that the king threatened his queen and that she worried for her protection. Of course, anyone who knew either Jon or Thayet knew this was ridiculous, for if such a thing had happened, the king wouldn’t still be alive, but long dead from Thayet’s wrath. One story even claimed that king had gone mad, declared himself the Emperor of ‘Fuzzy-Land’ and attempted to marry the Crown Prince of Tusaine. Thankfully, that was laughed down everywhere.
However, every version of the story ended the same, with Queen Thayet the Peerless storming to the nearest Goddess temple and declaring that she was divorcing that no-good pox-rotten bastard King Jonathan.
In shock, the priestesses had no option but to finalize the divorce, especially when a notarized message arrived from the palace granting his permission for the legal separation. Gareth of Naxen carried the signature, and remained to argue the settlement, which ended up being very generous for Thayet.
In the span of an hour, the country went from picturing their monarchs as happily, blissfully married, to gazing in shock at the burnt ashes of a shattered marriage.
No one was quite sure who was to blame, but most decided that since ex-queen Thayet had requested the divorce, it must be King Jonathan’s fault. Overnight, the once-popular and admired king became nearly a pariah to his own people.
In response, the king secluded himself more and more, not even leaving his office some days as he mindlessly read reports and dictated royal declarations.
One day, Lady Knight Keladry was walking through the palace when she was stopped by a harried-looking prime minister. “My lord,” she greeted, eyeing his bushy mustache with terrible fascination as it quivered violently.
“Keladry!” he exclaimed, then hastily corrected himself. “I apologize, lady knight, I’m merely a bit busy and stressed, and, oops!” The stack of papers in his arms shifted, and he barely reacted in time to catch and resettle them.
Keladry watched the teetering stack of paper with amused alarm. “Is there anything I can do for you, my lord?”
“Why, actually there is!” He shifted through his mountain of papers and somehow managed to withdraw a single folder without the lot toppling down around his ears. “If you could be so kind, please take these to the king. I promise you, he won’t bite,” he added at Kel’s uneasy face. “Jon’s a bit upset still, but I haven’t the time to deal with him today. Thank you, lady knight, I appreciate this,” he called over his shoulder as he left in a flurry of papers.
Kel glanced down at the file in her hand and sighed. She supposed she was to see the king, then. She hadn’t seen him since the unfortunate debacle a few months before, but there was no reason to refuse. Besides, she had asked.
When Kel arrived at the great oak door, she knocked quietly and waited for the muffled, ‘enter,’ to crack open the door.
“I have some papers for you, from Lord Gareth, sire,” she glanced in and sucked in a quick breath.
The king looked rather contradictory as he read some bit of paper. His hair was rather wild, and his clothes seemed unkempt and ill-fitting, but his beard was longer than she’d seen before, at least two inches, and trimmed exquisitely. Every hair was the exact same length, and it looked unnaturally smooth.
Kel couldn’t stop looking at the beard. Her palms grew sweaty and began to itch, so she laid the file of papers on the desk and shoved her hands in her pockets.
He finally looked up from his intent reading. “Ah, Lady Knight, thank you for dropping these by. Knowing Gary, I’m certain they are of the utmost importance, vital to national security.” Jon chuckled slightly, then gestured to a chair in front of the desks. “Come in, sit down. Tell me of the latest gossip. Have I yet progressed to a madman who ritualistically slaughters tiny furry animals?”
Kel sat down, a bit uneasy with this man who was both incredibly tense and much too relaxed, joking about the incident that had villified him. “Nothing of the sort, sire. You remain simply a callous man bent on gathering as much power and ruling with an iron-fist over your family as well as your kingdom.”
He scoffed. “Amateurs, the lot of them. They can’t even stir themselves to be creative.”
She hesitated, then plunged ahead. “Sire, would it be too presumptuous of me to ask what happened?”
He raised one cool eyebrow. “Would it surprise you to hear that you are the first person to ask me that? Most people simply take Thayet’s side. Even Gary just moaned about the political implications. Raoul told me not to be an idiot.”
Kel fidgeted, twisting her hands and feeling rather awkward and out of her depth. “That is sad, Your Majesty. You lived over twenty years with her; you were just as emotionally invested as she.” Kel paused, suddenly aware of the king’s intense gaze, then continued slowly, “If you would like to tell, I would listen.”
He looked away from her, then rubbed his eyes. “I rather appreciate that, Keladry, and the fact is that it’s very simple. Thayet gave me an ultimatum, and I couldn’t choose her.”
Kel tried to think of what could possibly make such an obviously-loving couple split after so many years, what kind of ultimatum a wife might give, when the king threw up his hands.
“Thayet said: the beard or me.”
She frowned in confusion. “Sire?”
“I said it was simple,” he said glumly. “Thayet has always hated my beard. She’s been after me for years and years to shave it off, but I love it. It’s very kingly, you know? So finally, she told me to shave it or she was leaving.” He cupped his chin, obscured by the beard. “I didn’t suspect she could be serious, so I told her to go ahead.”
Kel shook her head. “That’s very tragic, sire.” Suddenly, she had an uncontrollable impulse, and she followed around his desk, nearer to the sad monarch. “May I?” she asked, her fingers outstretched towards his jaw.
When he just nodded bemusedly, Kel ran her fingers through his thick facial hair, starting from the end of his jaw towards the tip of his chin, where she dug her fingers in and massaged the coarse hairs. “I am sorry about her,” she murmured, “But I love your manly bush.”
The blue eyes that were now so close to her widened in shock, and his breath caught audibly. “Keladry,” he said, softly but urgently, “Would you marry me?”
QC by PeroxidePirate