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Post by devilinthedetails on Oct 18, 2020 1:06:14 GMT 10
Title: The High Seas a Highway Rating: PG-13 for references to death. Word Count: 46 Summary: The high seas are a highway for family Kisubo. Notes: Part II of my Daja set. Inspired by mistrali ’s prompt “Highway.” Thanks to mistrali for the inspiration. “We’re Blue Traders, the salty ocean is in our blood and the high seas are our highway,” Daja’s mother, the captain of Third Ship Kisubo, had said, her black braids blowing in the briny wind, and and now she’d been swallowed by those same seas. |
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Post by mistrali on Oct 18, 2020 5:51:15 GMT 10
This is a wonderful take on the prompt. I really like the mix of confidence and, well, reminders of mortality here. Daja’s mother’s first statement sounds like she’s invincible and the second half of the sentence reminds us that no matter how much power someone has (especially over the elements), they’re still not immune to them. Of course, this is especially relevant in the Emelan ‘verse because it’s all about how we need to respect nature.
Also enjoyed “black braids blowing in the briny wind” - some nice alliteration and consonance there.
May I suggest shortening the end of the sentence a bit? Something like ‘and now she’d been swallowed by those same seas’?
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Post by devilinthedetails on Oct 19, 2020 3:57:04 GMT 10
Thanks, mistrali . I'm so glad that you found this to be a wonderful take on your prompt. I really wanted to explore that sense of adventure and travel inherent in a highway in this story, and it was interesting to think of the sea as a sort of highway for Daja's family. I wanted to show that contrast between the confidence that Daja's mother felt on the waves where she spent so much of her time and the reminder that she is ultimately mortal no matter how much she might feel invincible on the sea. I definitely think that can tie into the idea explored in the Emelan universe with reading to needing to respect nature and how no matter how much control someone might seem to wield over the elements, the person is still not immune to the power of the elements. I'm so glad that you liked the alliteration of the "black braids blowing in the briny wind" since I couldn't resist some alliteration and consonance there. I like your suggestion for rephrasing the end of the sentence and will use it. Thank you again  |
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Post by Seek on Oct 19, 2020 11:29:25 GMT 10
I love this one. It just captures one specific and powerful memory from Daja's life and the imagery is so powerful - you can really see her standing there and smell the brine!
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Post by devilinthedetails on Oct 20, 2020 1:15:53 GMT 10
Seek, thank you so much for commenting! I'm so glad that you love this one because I really liked the idea behind it, and I wanted to really ground this story in one particular, powerful memory that Daja has of her mother, and I think the sea just really inspires strong imagery from me because I can always remember that feeling of the wind whipping through hair and of the smell of brine in the air.
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Maybe once we'd have seen it during Smackdown!