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Post by devilinthedetails on Aug 14, 2020 4:19:19 GMT 10
Series: The Voice Title: Standing on Clouds Rating: PG Event: Hazy Shade of Winter-Cold Snap. Words: 200 Summary: Ali experiences a once in a lifetime snowfall.
Standing on Clouds
It rarely rained in the desert—the coastal bluffs trapped the salty moisture off the Emerald Ocean before the winds could carry it inland—and snowed even more seldomly. Among the Bazhir, it was said a snowfall might come only once in a man’s lifetime. For Ali, this once in a lifetime snowfall came when he was thirteen and striving to leave the cloaking exuberance of youth behind him so as to better don the solemn mantle of manhood.
A cold snap stretched bowstring taut over Persopolis. Gray clouds gathered, and while Ali slept surrounded by his cats, drifted in soft flakes to the ground. When he awakened at daybreak, the streets and courtyards were blanketed in white fluff that reminded him of the cotton the northern merchants brought from Corus down the Great Road South to trade with the Bazhir in Persopolis and the Tyrans at Pearlsmouth.
In a rush to feel beneath his feet this miracle that he feared might melt at any moment, Ali put on his shoes and raced into the castle courtyard. As the snow crunched below him, he smiled, reflecting that since snow fell from clouds just like rain, he was standing on clouds.
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Post by mistrali on Aug 14, 2020 12:06:19 GMT 10
Hah, I love the contrast between Ali just shedding his childhood (by Bazhir standards) at thirteen and then racing out to see the first snow. It’s what I’d do in his shoes! And the concept of standing on clouds works well, and is suitably poetic for Ali.
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Post by devilinthedetails on Aug 15, 2020 0:06:32 GMT 10
mistrali, thank you so much for commenting! I'm so glad that you liked the contrast of Ali having just shed his childhood and trying to be all adult but then racing out just like a child to see his first snowfall. To me, there is something very magical about the first snowfall of a season and I imagine it'd be even more magical in a desert that hardly ever gets any snow, so I would totally do what he did and race outside to enjoy and admire it. I'm so happy you liked the concept of standing on clouds and found it suitably poetic for Ali since that was the image that initially inspired this whole story:D
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Post by Kypriotha on Aug 23, 2020 10:28:50 GMT 10
I agree with Mistrali - the contrast between him shedding his childhood, but still delighting in his first ever snow is lovely.
I also love this line:
It's just so evocative and, as someone who is currently living through a cold snap, snow and all, very apt!
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Post by devilinthedetails on Aug 25, 2020 6:20:58 GMT 10
Kypriotha, thank you so much for commenting! I'm s glad that you found that you loved that contrast of Ali shedding his childhood but still taking an innocent, childlike delight in his first ever snowfall. You highlighted one of my favorite lines in this story, so I'm so happy that was a standout to you and I'm so flattered you found it evocative.
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