Post by Rosie on Jun 11, 2019 2:30:16 GMT 10
Title: Miss R A Oul (Agony Aunt Extraordinaire)
Authors: Rosie and Lisa
Rating: PG-13 (there's some risque references if the mind is that way inclined...)
Summary: Popular Agony Aunt Miss R A Oul resumes her correspondence
Notes: Lisa and I used to write some of the Miss R A Oul letters for Giantkiller, and figured we would join forces on this! (I mean, I figured, and Lisa only required mild coercion). The identities of all our correspondents are, of course, top secret, but we can be prevailed upon to offer clues
--
Dear Miss RA Oul,
I find myself an artist among heathens, dining each night with fellows who have no appreciation for the art and beauty. They frown upon my poetry, they snicker when I delight in the gentler and more sophisticated aspects of life.
What is a person to do when their pursuits are actively ridiculed?
- the beleaguered bard
Dear Beleaguered Bard,
For a moment, I suspected my past self had written to my wayward friend (a misguided notion, to tell the truth, but fortunately I have intercepted this request and have the opportunity to impart my own well-won wisdom). I know well the scorn these jealous thugs can throw upon a debonair individual. Once, I wrote the most exquisite ode to a fair angel's hand covering that this world has ever seen. The brutes I was then (and now) unfortunate enough to be acquainted with used it to get me accused of a crime and banished from the sight of my own eye's delight. (The fact that she later turned out to be embroiled in a treasonous plot is neither here nor there - perhaps my love might have been enough to sway her... of course, since I am now most happily married, the lady would have wasted away from unrequited love)
Persevere, echo of my younger self, rose amongst terrible thorns! Shine like a daffodil amongst weeds. Apply yourself to the delicate arts. Comfort yourself that these soulless fools themselves look ridiculous waving about their sticks on horseback, and enjoy the moments they get dumped on those body parts from which they appear to do most of their talking.
Sincerely,
Also Not Appreciated in My Own Time.
Dear Beleaguered Bard and No Fool Like an Old Fool,
Can't a fellow go to war without having his correspondence answered in his absence? Beleaguered Bard - listen to your friends. Your odes to nose-hair deserve to be thrown in the Olorun River. Try not to burn them. Mithros might mistakenly think they are an offering, and smite you where you stand.
On second thoughts, give it a try.
As for my very foolish friend, we both know I did the world a favour - and that you stole that glove!
- Miss R A Oul.
--
Miss R A Oul -
My partners have gone mad. We live an unusual life, with loyalties to each other and our purses rather than the law. But recently they’ve both taken to wanting to canoodle with puppies (of the legal variety; we’re not *that* unusual). I can’t help but worry that their new proclivities may affect our arrangement.
Thick as Thieves
Thick as Thieves,
Legally procured puppies or no - this is all most alarming! As a respected advice columnist, I do try not to judge, and so my only advice can be to don a pair of fluffy ears and hope for the best. For yourself and the puppies. Hopefully you can lure your partners back to you like a siren, or perhaps a piper.
No need to update me on progress.
Sincerely,
Miss R A Oul
--
To the esteemed Miss R. A. Oul,
Years ago two of my dearest friends had a falling out of enormous proportions and I (wisely, in my opinion) remained with the friend who’s prospects matched my own and provided a degree of security and prosperity.
News has arrived that the third in our trip will be back in the city, and our paths will most certainly cross again at the banquets and parties I plan. How do I navigate these awkward waters?
Yours,
Hostess with the Mostest
Dear Hostess with the Mostest (to worry about),
Ex-lovers meeting again can be explosive! I suggest you provide lavish entertainment, excellent drapery, and invite your dearest advice columnist. I have a great fondness for uncomfortable situations.
To make sure it doesn't get too out of hand, try inviting some of the elderly members of your acquaintance. It always helps to have a few dinosaurs about the place to calm things down.
-- Miss R A Oul
P.S. If this is you, Thayet, ignore the above. I intend on being very far from Corus when those two collide.
--
Dear Miss R A Oul,
A recent series of incredibly popular plays in Corus have featured a brother and sister who are twins, and their behavior has been… less than sibling-esque. As a prominent twin, this has led to many jokes from friends about my own relationship with my twin brother, and it’s getting old. So I need to know… is this an appropriate time to call them onto the fencing courts, or have my brother incinerate them with his Gift?
-Entwined
Dear Entwined,
Incest is a family affair, and should remain such. No need to resort to fencing courts or incineration for a turn of phrase that - if you think about it, really hard - is actually pretty funny.
Kindest, warmest regards,
Anonymous Agony Aunt
Authors: Rosie and Lisa
Rating: PG-13 (there's some risque references if the mind is that way inclined...)
Summary: Popular Agony Aunt Miss R A Oul resumes her correspondence
Notes: Lisa and I used to write some of the Miss R A Oul letters for Giantkiller, and figured we would join forces on this! (I mean, I figured, and Lisa only required mild coercion). The identities of all our correspondents are, of course, top secret, but we can be prevailed upon to offer clues
--
Dear Miss RA Oul,
I find myself an artist among heathens, dining each night with fellows who have no appreciation for the art and beauty. They frown upon my poetry, they snicker when I delight in the gentler and more sophisticated aspects of life.
What is a person to do when their pursuits are actively ridiculed?
- the beleaguered bard
Dear Beleaguered Bard,
For a moment, I suspected my past self had written to my wayward friend (a misguided notion, to tell the truth, but fortunately I have intercepted this request and have the opportunity to impart my own well-won wisdom). I know well the scorn these jealous thugs can throw upon a debonair individual. Once, I wrote the most exquisite ode to a fair angel's hand covering that this world has ever seen. The brutes I was then (and now) unfortunate enough to be acquainted with used it to get me accused of a crime and banished from the sight of my own eye's delight. (The fact that she later turned out to be embroiled in a treasonous plot is neither here nor there - perhaps my love might have been enough to sway her... of course, since I am now most happily married, the lady would have wasted away from unrequited love)
Persevere, echo of my younger self, rose amongst terrible thorns! Shine like a daffodil amongst weeds. Apply yourself to the delicate arts. Comfort yourself that these soulless fools themselves look ridiculous waving about their sticks on horseback, and enjoy the moments they get dumped on those body parts from which they appear to do most of their talking.
Sincerely,
Also Not Appreciated in My Own Time.
Dear Beleaguered Bard and No Fool Like an Old Fool,
Can't a fellow go to war without having his correspondence answered in his absence? Beleaguered Bard - listen to your friends. Your odes to nose-hair deserve to be thrown in the Olorun River. Try not to burn them. Mithros might mistakenly think they are an offering, and smite you where you stand.
On second thoughts, give it a try.
As for my very foolish friend, we both know I did the world a favour - and that you stole that glove!
- Miss R A Oul.
--
Miss R A Oul -
My partners have gone mad. We live an unusual life, with loyalties to each other and our purses rather than the law. But recently they’ve both taken to wanting to canoodle with puppies (of the legal variety; we’re not *that* unusual). I can’t help but worry that their new proclivities may affect our arrangement.
Thick as Thieves
Thick as Thieves,
Legally procured puppies or no - this is all most alarming! As a respected advice columnist, I do try not to judge, and so my only advice can be to don a pair of fluffy ears and hope for the best. For yourself and the puppies. Hopefully you can lure your partners back to you like a siren, or perhaps a piper.
No need to update me on progress.
Sincerely,
Miss R A Oul
--
To the esteemed Miss R. A. Oul,
Years ago two of my dearest friends had a falling out of enormous proportions and I (wisely, in my opinion) remained with the friend who’s prospects matched my own and provided a degree of security and prosperity.
News has arrived that the third in our trip will be back in the city, and our paths will most certainly cross again at the banquets and parties I plan. How do I navigate these awkward waters?
Yours,
Hostess with the Mostest
Dear Hostess with the Mostest (to worry about),
Ex-lovers meeting again can be explosive! I suggest you provide lavish entertainment, excellent drapery, and invite your dearest advice columnist. I have a great fondness for uncomfortable situations.
To make sure it doesn't get too out of hand, try inviting some of the elderly members of your acquaintance. It always helps to have a few dinosaurs about the place to calm things down.
-- Miss R A Oul
P.S. If this is you, Thayet, ignore the above. I intend on being very far from Corus when those two collide.
--
Dear Miss R A Oul,
A recent series of incredibly popular plays in Corus have featured a brother and sister who are twins, and their behavior has been… less than sibling-esque. As a prominent twin, this has led to many jokes from friends about my own relationship with my twin brother, and it’s getting old. So I need to know… is this an appropriate time to call them onto the fencing courts, or have my brother incinerate them with his Gift?
-Entwined
Dear Entwined,
Incest is a family affair, and should remain such. No need to resort to fencing courts or incineration for a turn of phrase that - if you think about it, really hard - is actually pretty funny.
Kindest, warmest regards,
Anonymous Agony Aunt