Post by Kypriotha on Feb 21, 2016 17:49:26 GMT 10
Title: Grief [/ɡriːf/]
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: #118 Heartache
Summary: Grief (n) Intense sorrow, especially caused by someone’s death
Warnings: Mastiff spoilers, character death
Grief is complicated. Beka knows this well.
Grief is missing her mama at the oddest moments, although it has been over 6 years and she a mot full grown now. Like when using a balm for sore muscles, even - perhaps more so - after her mama's special balm has run out and she's using one made by a friend.
Grief is standing paralysed in the doorway to her rooms when confronted with her dead betrothed's clothes, even though her new man is standing just behind. Grief is the guilt of loving again and grief is the relief of knowing this one won't come home drunk and angry.
Grief is walking into the Kennel for the first time in weeks, the first time without him there, and feeling angry. Angry at being partnerless again. Ashamed to look the other Dogs in the eye, in case they know, in case they judge. Angry again at being left like this, at being put in this position.
Grief is waking up in the middle of the night, stomach clenched, breath shallow and fast, from another dream of Hunts and shadows and pigeons. Another round of what if. What if she'd gone closer to the window that night at Queensgrace and listened to what he said. What if she hadn't let her horse go lame and had ridden far away with the Prince. What if Farmer had the strength to heal him that last night, to give him that little bit of extra time.
Grief is missing someone and loving them and hating them all at once. Grief is living, surviving day to day, each one a little easier than the last.
Grief is knowing that this pain too will pass, not forgotten, but remembered distantly, as something that happened to someone else in a different time. Grief is not being ready to let it go, to be free of the hurt, free of the memories (the good and the bad).
Beka knows all this. But it still doesn't make the grief easier to bear.
Your descriptions are perfect and restrained, and you really get that sombre mood across well.
Maybe once we'd have seen it during Smackdown!