Post by Seek on Jan 1, 2015 4:57:29 GMT 10
Title: The Great War
Rating: G
For: Tamari
Prompt: 2. Gary, Alanna, and the crew, having pagely/squirely shenanigans
Summary: A fragment of found parchment.
Notes: Hope you enjoy it! Happy Wishing Tree!
-
This is the account of the Great War, fought most honourably between the Squires and the Pages in the Third-Smallest Cellar of the palace
‘Most honourably’? Alex KICKED ME REPEATEDLY IN THE STOMACH!
Sorry, Alan. But that was the only way to make you let go.
Alan bit me!
YOU WERE SITTING ON ME!
Hostilities first commenced when a page, Alan of Trebond, committed the nefarious act of sneaking into Squire Gary’s room in the late afternoon and leaving a very squishy bug in his bed.
You screamed, Gary. Like a little girl.
How do you know?
Raoul? I. Have. Sisters.
The squires convened and discussed the incident. The decision was that this act demanded retribution, and precipitated the outright declaration of war against the pages. They therefore gathered handfuls of snow and lured the abovementioned Alan into the palace cellars.
We picked the third-smallest cellar because it was out of the way and because we figured no one would hear Alan scream.
We picked the third-smallest cellar simply for expedience—it was the only cellar that wasn’t locked and that we had access to. Once the preparations for the Great War had been made, it was decided to begin with an all-out assault.
Stop making it sound so heroic, Gary. You deceived us.
The pages came with us into the cellar, at which point we stuffed handfuls of snow into Alan’s tunic.
You didn’t ‘stuff’ my tunic with snow, Gary. You shovelled snow into it!
That was Raoul.
It’s always Raoul. He’s the only one with hands like shovels.
…Sorry Raoul, it’s true.
Hearing the stricken Alan’s screams, Pages Jonathan and Geoffrey rushed to the rescue. Meanwhile, Page Douglass cunningly hid and ambushed
Admit it, Gary, he caught you with your pants down.
He did not. And stop commenting on my essay!
Now you’ll have to rewrite it.
I hate you all.
Go on, you haven’t gotten to the best part yet.
Page Douglass cunningly hid and ambushed Squire Gary, and using nefarious tricks, tickled him mercilessly when his guard was down.
Uh-huh. Keep going.
There was no snow in the cellars, but there was a cold box, filled with ice, intended to keep the ale cool. Jonathan and Geoffrey decided that the best solution was to remove all the ice and to stuff it down Raoul’s shirt. Clearly, that was a poor decision on their
Gary, remember who you’re writing this for.
Sigh.
Jonathan and Geoffrey made the inspired decision to remove all the ice from the cold box and to stuff it down Raoul’s shirt. Unfortunately, Jon’s face got in the way of Raoul’s fist. He, of course, fell down.
Raoul helped.
By this point, it was decided that the squires had to regain control of the cold boxes. To that effect, Alex decided that pre-emptive action was the best solution, and tried to restrain Alan. Unfortunately, Alan is one slippery
Are you sure you want to go there?
son of an eel, and he managed to evade Alex and put him in a hold.
Which Alex solved by kicking me repeatedly in the stomach.
I told you, I’m sorry.
And then Raoul sat on me.
You bit me!
In the ensuing chaos, Alan eventually bit Raoul. Hard. At the same time, Geoffrey of Meron performed an act of unspeakable vileness—I mean, valour, by charging Alex with handfuls of mostly-melted ice and flinging it at him.
Absolutely. It was beautiful. ‘The Last Stand of Geoffrey of Meron.’
It wasn’t a stand. He was charging me.
He’s so dead on the practice courts. That’s why it’s an act of valour.
Amidst the chaos, it became clear that the Great War was being lost on all fronts by the Squires. Alan had managed to incapacitate Raoul and was doubled over in pain. Geoffrey of Meron had assaulted Alex and Jonathan was sitting around, holding his nose, and doing nothing.
I was trying to heal my broken nose.
That’s what the palace healers are for, Jon.
Don’t worry, that face still won’t be getting any ladies.
Shut up, Raoul.
Douglass of Veldine had succeeded in his ambush of Gary, and to cap it off, tied his tunic sleeves together, rendering him helpless. He then proceeded to draw all over Gary’s face with a quill and ink.
A sight for sore eyes, that’s all I’m saying.
Seeing Douglass’s unconventional tactics, the squires decided, more or less unanimously, to surrender. The Great War had been fought and won by the Pages. A treaty was drawn up, in which the Squires agreed to denounce their nefarious and base deeds and to acknowledge—I can’t believe I’m writing this—the general and tactical superiority of the Pages. As part of the terms of surrender, the instigator of the war, Squire Gary, was forced to write a chronicle of the Great War. So, here it is. Are you all satisfied, now?
Yes.
Very. Now fix this up and write it once more. I’m getting this framed.
Rating: G
For: Tamari
Prompt: 2. Gary, Alanna, and the crew, having pagely/squirely shenanigans
Summary: A fragment of found parchment.
Notes: Hope you enjoy it! Happy Wishing Tree!
-
This is the account of the Great War, fought most honourably between the Squires and the Pages in the Third-Smallest Cellar of the palace
‘Most honourably’? Alex KICKED ME REPEATEDLY IN THE STOMACH!
Sorry, Alan. But that was the only way to make you let go.
Alan bit me!
YOU WERE SITTING ON ME!
Hostilities first commenced when a page, Alan of Trebond, committed the nefarious act of sneaking into Squire Gary’s room in the late afternoon and leaving a very squishy bug in his bed.
You screamed, Gary. Like a little girl.
How do you know?
Raoul? I. Have. Sisters.
The squires convened and discussed the incident. The decision was that this act demanded retribution, and precipitated the outright declaration of war against the pages. They therefore gathered handfuls of snow and lured the abovementioned Alan into the palace cellars.
We picked the third-smallest cellar because it was out of the way and because we figured no one would hear Alan scream.
We picked the third-smallest cellar simply for expedience—it was the only cellar that wasn’t locked and that we had access to. Once the preparations for the Great War had been made, it was decided to begin with an all-out assault.
Stop making it sound so heroic, Gary. You deceived us.
The pages came with us into the cellar, at which point we stuffed handfuls of snow into Alan’s tunic.
You didn’t ‘stuff’ my tunic with snow, Gary. You shovelled snow into it!
That was Raoul.
It’s always Raoul. He’s the only one with hands like shovels.
…Sorry Raoul, it’s true.
Hearing the stricken Alan’s screams, Pages Jonathan and Geoffrey rushed to the rescue. Meanwhile, Page Douglass cunningly hid and ambushed
Admit it, Gary, he caught you with your pants down.
He did not. And stop commenting on my essay!
Now you’ll have to rewrite it.
I hate you all.
Go on, you haven’t gotten to the best part yet.
Page Douglass cunningly hid and ambushed Squire Gary, and using nefarious tricks, tickled him mercilessly when his guard was down.
Uh-huh. Keep going.
There was no snow in the cellars, but there was a cold box, filled with ice, intended to keep the ale cool. Jonathan and Geoffrey decided that the best solution was to remove all the ice and to stuff it down Raoul’s shirt. Clearly, that was a poor decision on their
Gary, remember who you’re writing this for.
Sigh.
Jonathan and Geoffrey made the inspired decision to remove all the ice from the cold box and to stuff it down Raoul’s shirt. Unfortunately, Jon’s face got in the way of Raoul’s fist. He, of course, fell down.
Raoul helped.
By this point, it was decided that the squires had to regain control of the cold boxes. To that effect, Alex decided that pre-emptive action was the best solution, and tried to restrain Alan. Unfortunately, Alan is one slippery
Are you sure you want to go there?
son of an eel, and he managed to evade Alex and put him in a hold.
Which Alex solved by kicking me repeatedly in the stomach.
I told you, I’m sorry.
And then Raoul sat on me.
You bit me!
In the ensuing chaos, Alan eventually bit Raoul. Hard. At the same time, Geoffrey of Meron performed an act of unspeakable vileness—I mean, valour, by charging Alex with handfuls of mostly-melted ice and flinging it at him.
Absolutely. It was beautiful. ‘The Last Stand of Geoffrey of Meron.’
It wasn’t a stand. He was charging me.
He’s so dead on the practice courts. That’s why it’s an act of valour.
Amidst the chaos, it became clear that the Great War was being lost on all fronts by the Squires. Alan had managed to incapacitate Raoul and was doubled over in pain. Geoffrey of Meron had assaulted Alex and Jonathan was sitting around, holding his nose, and doing nothing.
I was trying to heal my broken nose.
That’s what the palace healers are for, Jon.
Don’t worry, that face still won’t be getting any ladies.
Shut up, Raoul.
Douglass of Veldine had succeeded in his ambush of Gary, and to cap it off, tied his tunic sleeves together, rendering him helpless. He then proceeded to draw all over Gary’s face with a quill and ink.
A sight for sore eyes, that’s all I’m saying.
Seeing Douglass’s unconventional tactics, the squires decided, more or less unanimously, to surrender. The Great War had been fought and won by the Pages. A treaty was drawn up, in which the Squires agreed to denounce their nefarious and base deeds and to acknowledge—I can’t believe I’m writing this—the general and tactical superiority of the Pages. As part of the terms of surrender, the instigator of the war, Squire Gary, was forced to write a chronicle of the Great War. So, here it is. Are you all satisfied, now?
Yes.
Very. Now fix this up and write it once more. I’m getting this framed.