luinae
Rider Trainee
crazy girl
Posts: 89
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Post by luinae on Jul 1, 2011 13:01:02 GMT 10
Title: Home Rating: G Character: Winnamine Balitang Event: 110 word hurdles Words: 110 Summary: Elsren wants both his parents home.
There is a time, before Elsren understands, when he wants to make mama happy again. Since they came back from Lombyn, he hasn’t seen her smile.
He's hiding from his nursemaid when he finds mama crying on the attic stairs.
“Can I help?” he asks clumsily when he reaches her, and her head lifts up slowly. For a very long moment, his mama stares at him, eyes red.
“No,” she says, finally. “Not unless you can bring your papa home.” Then she leaves.
He stays on the staircase for a time, thinking, but try as he might, he can’t think of a way to bring his father home for mama.
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Post by Shhasow on Jul 1, 2011 13:04:29 GMT 10
Aww, my heart broke for Elsren. Poor guy. Very sad, wonderfully done.
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luinae
Rider Trainee
crazy girl
Posts: 89
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Post by luinae on Jul 1, 2011 13:39:59 GMT 10
Thank you!
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Post by journeycat on Jul 1, 2011 14:13:17 GMT 10
That was absolutely heart-breaking - Winna's pain is so tangible. I think my favorite thing about this is Elsren's childish, innocent optimism, in that he tries to think of ways to bring his father back.
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luinae
Rider Trainee
crazy girl
Posts: 89
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Post by luinae on Jul 1, 2011 14:18:36 GMT 10
^ We never really see her grieve, but I think she must have, just where no one could see her. Children are good to see pain through because they don't think like adults do.
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sidonie
Soldier
lunatic, lover, and poet
Posts: 928
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Post by sidonie on Jul 2, 2011 1:09:07 GMT 10
Oh! Using Elsren's voice was such a wonderful idea for the hurdles fic! *loves* His innocence and childish thought process is spot-on here, and the fic is so sweet and heartbreaking.
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luinae
Rider Trainee
crazy girl
Posts: 89
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Post by luinae on Jul 2, 2011 4:48:45 GMT 10
Thank you so much sidonie!
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Post by pandora on Jul 6, 2011 19:10:06 GMT 10
This is so sad and beautifully written. Elsren is perfect, but I especially love the honesty in Winna's response.
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Post by mistrali on Jun 7, 2013 8:57:39 GMT 10
Oh, poor Elsren, and poor Winna.
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