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Post by queenscovegirl on Jul 2, 2011 4:59:05 GMT 10
Title: Awake Rating: PG Couple/Character: Kel/Neal Event: 110 Word Hurdles Words: 110 Summary: Kel has nightmare, Neal is worried.
“Nightmares again?”
“What are you doing up?” She asked, ignoring his question.
“Waiting for you, Tobe said you’ve been having nightmares.”
She frowned, “He shouldn’t have said anything.”
“He’s worried about you, so am I.”
“It’s nothing, you shouldn’t worry about it.” She said stiffly.
“I shouldn’t worry? You’ve been losing weight, and you always have bags under your eyes. You can’t keep going like this.”
She said nothing, so he continued. “You need to talk to someone.”
“And who would you have me talk to? I’m not married like you, I don’t have anyone.”
“You have me,” he said.
She just looked away. “You should get back to Yuki.”
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luinae
Rider Trainee
crazy girl
Posts: 89
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Post by luinae on Jul 2, 2011 5:11:58 GMT 10
I like that they're on the cusp of being something more, but they aren't quite there.
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sidonie
Soldier
lunatic, lover, and poet
Posts: 928
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Post by sidonie on Jul 2, 2011 5:25:05 GMT 10
Oh, poor Kel. I love Neal's worried, exasperated air, and her denials. This feels very real. And I agree with Luinae, there's a taste of maybe something else, just below the surface, that's quite lovely.
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Post by queenscovegirl on Jul 3, 2011 19:21:14 GMT 10
Thanks Guys
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Post by journeycat on Jul 5, 2011 5:15:23 GMT 10
Luinae said it perfectly! There's something right there, if only they would take the chance - it has me clasping my hands together and hoping for something more!
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Post by ubiquitous on Jul 5, 2011 13:38:45 GMT 10
I like that they're on the cusp of being something more, but they aren't quite there. This. ♥ I adore this ficlet.
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Post by infinite on Jul 5, 2011 17:26:10 GMT 10
This is gorgeous. And I agree with everyone else...if only they would just let themselves that that step into something more! But I love the obvious love Neal has for Kel here, even if it is platonic, and Kel's tense reponse.
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Post by queenscovegirl on Jul 29, 2011 16:28:17 GMT 10
Thanks guys!
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Post by Lisa on Aug 2, 2011 5:41:12 GMT 10
Ah, I love that you've created so much tension with the dialogue, letting the readers feel uncomfortable for the protagonists, rather than telling us how uncomfortable this moment could be. Lovely!
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