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Post by wordy on Jun 8, 2009 20:19:36 GMT 10
Title: Peaches Rating: PG Prompt: #4 - Food Summary: A bit of sexual tension between friends... A/N: Okay, okay, so I needed a bit of romance, and Evin has a rather special place in my brain right now. Look out for a part two!
She found him behind the stables, his straw coloured hair tousled and falling over his face in a way that made her oddly happy. Feet planted wide, he was juggling his lunch—three peaches—rather than eating it like any normal boy would. She tried to stop the corners of her mouth from twitching up into a smile. Miri stepped closer (not, she assured herself, to admire the lovely angle of his neck) and her foot landed on a particularly crunchy leaf. His head twitched around, the peaches fell from their graceful arc. Her heart hammered in her breast.
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Post by Verasque on Jun 8, 2009 20:48:03 GMT 10
Simply adorable! Its those simple moments that make a difference
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Post by ubiquitous on Jun 8, 2009 20:49:07 GMT 10
Very cute! Nicely done too!
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Imogen
Probationer Page
Posts: 100
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Post by Imogen on Jun 9, 2009 4:37:06 GMT 10
I like the way you captured a small moment, your first line, and the juggling.
Your last sentence jarred me a bit. I think the choice of a verb in present tense left the ending very unfinished, even for a drabble. It left me feeling like there should have been another sentence afterwards. Maybe if you had used 'hammered' instead? (A small point to make, I know....)
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Post by wordy on Jun 9, 2009 8:11:23 GMT 10
Ah, good point. I think I'll change it to 'hammered'. Thanks guys!
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Post by Strapless on Jun 11, 2009 9:41:46 GMT 10
Oh sweet! This is a lovely vignette, and shows how important the little everyday things can become. Much love for Miri/Evin!
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