Post by Anaroriel on Apr 14, 2009 4:38:19 GMT 10
Title: The Ghost
Rating: PG
Prompt: #2
Summary: Neal has to go deal with a ghost at New Hope.
All critique appreciated! It's a bit rough, but I don't know how to make it better.
...
“A ghost,” Neal said flatly.
“Yes,” Kel insisted as she led the way down an unfamiliar corridor. “Tobe found it yesterday. You need to take care of it before it starts causing problems.”
“And why do I have to be the one to take care of it?” Neal asked.
Merric unsuccessfully try to turn a snort into a cough. “You have the Gift. Can’t you just magic it away?”
“That’s not how it works,” Neal muttered, slightly horrified.
The group stopped abruptly in front of the last door in the corridor. Neal shivered slightly; it seemed colder in this spot.
“I’m not going in there,” Neal said.
Kel didn’t reply. She yanked open the door and Merric shoved him into the cold, dark room. The door slammed shut.
“Let me out!” Neal cried. He forced his magic into a giant ball of green flame to defend himself, grappling with his sword with his other hand.
A matching flame, yellow, formed out of the darkness in a well-manicured hand. “Is that anyway to greet your fiancée?”
“Yuki!” Neal leaned heavily against the door. “What are you doing here? You nearly made my heart explode!”
Yuki sauntered up to her fiancé and pressed her hand against his chest. “I came to visit! Didn’t Kel tell you?” Neal shook his head. “Is that so? Hmm. Well, your heart’s not beating fast enough to explode,” she told him with a mischievous smile. “But I can fix that.”
---
Neal discovered he did not mind being haunted that much at all.
Rating: PG
Prompt: #2
Summary: Neal has to go deal with a ghost at New Hope.
All critique appreciated! It's a bit rough, but I don't know how to make it better.
...
“A ghost,” Neal said flatly.
“Yes,” Kel insisted as she led the way down an unfamiliar corridor. “Tobe found it yesterday. You need to take care of it before it starts causing problems.”
“And why do I have to be the one to take care of it?” Neal asked.
Merric unsuccessfully try to turn a snort into a cough. “You have the Gift. Can’t you just magic it away?”
“That’s not how it works,” Neal muttered, slightly horrified.
The group stopped abruptly in front of the last door in the corridor. Neal shivered slightly; it seemed colder in this spot.
“I’m not going in there,” Neal said.
Kel didn’t reply. She yanked open the door and Merric shoved him into the cold, dark room. The door slammed shut.
“Let me out!” Neal cried. He forced his magic into a giant ball of green flame to defend himself, grappling with his sword with his other hand.
A matching flame, yellow, formed out of the darkness in a well-manicured hand. “Is that anyway to greet your fiancée?”
“Yuki!” Neal leaned heavily against the door. “What are you doing here? You nearly made my heart explode!”
Yuki sauntered up to her fiancé and pressed her hand against his chest. “I came to visit! Didn’t Kel tell you?” Neal shook his head. “Is that so? Hmm. Well, your heart’s not beating fast enough to explode,” she told him with a mischievous smile. “But I can fix that.”
---
Neal discovered he did not mind being haunted that much at all.
Maybe once we'd have seen it during Smackdown!