|
Post by Verasque on Jan 6, 2010 20:46:50 GMT 10
Title: Awakening Rating: G Prompt: #19 Beginning Words: 100 Summary: On the precipice of change, a man is reborn.
He holds his breath, pride and grief locked in a fierce war that ends with the small, final nod that he receives from Roald. His son’s blue eyes hold admiration and determination; a single momentum that pays him far greater tribute than any other of his earthly accomplishments.
I swear solemly and true, to be the most faithful servant of this great nation. He whispers the words by heart, freeing himself, only understanding now what they truly mean. When the crown is placed firmly upon Roald’s head, Jonathan bows. He is looking not at his son, but at his King.
|
|
|
Post by greenie on Jan 6, 2010 21:06:55 GMT 10
This is really great! I especially like the way that you fit so many feelings into such a short space and make it feel right rather than crowded or listed. The emotions described are perfect, especially the pride and grief that Jon feels and the admiration in Roald's eyes.
|
|
|
Post by Lisa on Jan 7, 2010 2:26:37 GMT 10
This piece fascinates me - I've read it four times in a row, looking for the tiniest nuances to indicate exactly why this is happening, and each time I get side-tracked by how perfect the emotions are and my curiosity subsides because I'm so caught in the beauty of what you've written.
|
|
aurorax
Queen's Rider
Captain Crazy
Drabbling Away!
Posts: 507
|
Post by aurorax on Jan 7, 2010 4:19:32 GMT 10
Wow, you've caught the emotions beautifully here, and I love the juxtaposition of beginning and ending, how they play off one another. I particularly like the part about Jon only understanding at the end of his reign what he had promised at the start, since it seems so fitting, and how he can still be proud for his son, knowing the difficulties that lie ahead.
|
|
|
Post by wordy on Jan 7, 2010 10:25:44 GMT 10
^^what they said. I'm lost for words. There's so much emotion, and beautiful writing. I should stop reading other people's writing, because I get ridiculously jealous about their mad writing skills
|
|
|
Post by Lisa on Jan 7, 2010 13:48:11 GMT 10
OMG, I could not agree more. And Joa takes the cake - I read her reviews and I'm jealous!
|
|
|
Post by Verasque on Jan 7, 2010 22:33:14 GMT 10
I'm utterly humbled and flattered by all of you. Thank you so much for your kind, gracious commentary! Em & Lisa, I think you overestimate me. I have only to look at your works, and hope to follow in the same steps one day
|
|