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Post by k4writer02 on Mar 30, 2009 7:41:45 GMT 10
Title: Faded Emerald
Author: k4writer02
Rating: PG
Fandom: Tortall
Her eyes are no longer bright emerald, as they were in her youth. After a lifetime in a tower, she is sick and listless. Dying, while a canker consumes her from the inside out. She does the best she can to prepare for her visitor, without cosmetics or a mirror, considering she’s on her deathbed.
That is the reason she’s being permitted this luxury—this one last sight, to take with her to the Black God’s realm.
The King averts his sapphire eyes—wrinkled, but still vibrant—from her ruin.
“Look at me.” She whispers, “Damn you.” Her vision fades.
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Post by girlcalledsun on Mar 30, 2009 8:37:01 GMT 10
This is really atmospheric - the phrase "canker consumes" works well.
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Post by ubiquitous on Mar 30, 2009 11:08:19 GMT 10
I loved this. Especially how you described everything so vividly.  |
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Post by Anaroriel on Mar 30, 2009 13:30:58 GMT 10
Oooh. Wow, I like this a lot, the descriptions are very vivid. Great job!
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Post by Katty on Mar 30, 2009 14:08:43 GMT 10
Oh wow. Very vivid I love this. It must be such an awkward situation for Jonathan. Tiny suggestion - shouldn't it be "King" instead of "king's"  |
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Post by iridescentdaisies on Mar 30, 2009 14:54:39 GMT 10
Ohhhh. Wow. Very vivid descriptions as others said. Great ficlet!
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rainstormamaya
Soldier
Helps Kat get her Conte fix
~best known as May~
Posts: 752
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Post by rainstormamaya on Mar 30, 2009 23:12:47 GMT 10
Wow, creepy. I like the contrast between healthy!Jon and dying!Delia.
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Post by samantha on Apr 2, 2009 18:48:17 GMT 10
This is freaky, I was just thinking of Delia locked up in the castle a few days ago. I even drew a picture. I really liked your drabble. What wonderful last words Delia spoke.  And I've decided that it's unfair how these characters get awesome Sapphire and emerald coloured eyes! |
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Post by k4writer02 on Apr 3, 2009 9:45:10 GMT 10
Thank you so much! girlcalledsun, Thanks! I'm glad you liked "canker consumes" as a phrase. I read somewhere that in the middle ages/renaissance, the diseases we call cancer were called a canker in parts of Ireland. It stuck with me as close to our word, but really evocative. And I'm under the impression that Victorians called it consumption, which I wasn't really consciously thinking about, but there it is! ubiquitous, thanks for the compliment on the descriptions! Anaroriel, Thanks! Glad you thought i did it well. Katty, First, good catch on King! Second, thanks for loving it. And yeah, I sort of think it would be awkward and uncomfortable for Jon (Delia's last revenge, kind of). But I think he's the kind of King who makes himself look at what he's doing, even to his enemies. iridescent daisies, thanks! Glad you thought it was vivid. Rainstormamaya, thanks! I'm so glad you liked the contrast. And creepy's more or less what i was going for. Samantha, thanks! Wow, that is a coincidence about your drawing. Have you thought about sharing it in the fan art forum? I'm so pleased you really liked the drabble, and lol on jewel colored eyes. Sapphires, emeralds, amethysts... |
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Post by Lisa on Apr 4, 2009 16:18:14 GMT 10
I love how you've caught their ages - it's so specific that they're old and withering, but you've managed to leave so much to the imagination. I've always seen you as someone who doesn't use words sparingly, but puts meaning behind every word chosen, so the drabble is something bizarre yet absolutely perfect for you. |
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Post by Rosie on Apr 5, 2009 4:49:06 GMT 10
Oh, beautiful. I find it really interesting that Delia would want to see Jon on her death-bed - very thought-provoking!
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Post by k4writer02 on Apr 6, 2009 5:00:41 GMT 10
Lisa--Thanks so much! I do find the drabble a difficult form--it's just so short! Which makes it a fun challenge. Thanks also for the compliment on capturing their ages.
Rosie--Thanks a lot! I'm really glad you found it thought provoking and interesting that Delia wanted to see Jon. Thanks for reading!
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